3 Secret Needs Men Need Every day are not to be blown off. They are simple, easy and must be done if you want your man to stick around.
Three secret needs: Affirmation. Affection. Attention. Keep reading and I will help you understand so you can put these into action.
The Over-It Wife:
“Laurie…I heard you…but I’m just not like that…” said my dearest friend who has been married 21 years to a hot sexy guy that works as a Model. Yes. He’s THAT hot.
I told her, “I don’t care if you aren’t like that. He’s a guy. HE’S like that!! He needs that!! What he needs is NOT about you. If you don’t do it, someday, someone else will and you will lose him.”
She rolled her eyes.
I’ve witnessed it happen over and over. Take a man for granted and you are playing with fire. And that fire gets hot. So hot, it will burn your connection to your husband and then your husband will be gone.
So while he is here, with you, in your home, in your bed, in your marriage. Take action to stay present with him, nurture him and your lives together. Do things together. Play, have fun, enjoy life together, make memories! Be grateful. FEEL grateful.
Even if his farts make you want to vomit. And his skin sometimes smells like onions after not showering for 3 days. Don’t bitch, whine or complain. Tell him you are glad he is there. Tell him that you think he is sexy. That you think he is good at his job or is a great dad.
“He gets enough compliments…his head is already big with Ego.”
Yes. But is he getting compliments and kuddos from YOU?? That’s more imporant than anyone.
An example to help you understand:
I’ve witnessed men in their 80’s NEVER tell their kids they love them because, “They know…” Do they? I bet if they have never heard someone tell them something, they really don’t believe it. Many children of parents that don’t say “I love you…” spend years and years trying to prove themselves to their parents just to hear any word of love and appreaciation. That they are important. That they are worthy. That they do deserve love.
So say it. Act on it. Do it over and over, even on the days you feel “they don’t deserve it.” Because no one is perfect. We all act like idiots and fools. Constantly. And we all deserve love and appreaciation. At any time. And the best love, unconditional love, provided to kids from parents and spouses in loving marriages, are never challenged or held back. They are given because that’s what you do when you promise to love unconditionally.
Understanding Men Basic Needs:
Men are like dogs. Appreciate them, scratch them behind their ears and rub their bellies and they will lick and love you all over. But ignore them, belittle them, disrespect them or hurt them at some point in time, they come at you with teeth.
Watch the video…and change. Now. It doesn’t cost you anything!!! Or take a look at how I detail the three secrets below the video.
How to give a man Affirmations:
These are words of apprecation: “Thanks for taking out the trash…” “Thanks for making dinner!” “Oh, you did the dishes?! I’m so happy! Thank you! You are so helpful to me!”
Seriously, this may sound odd or goofy or ridiculous, but if you say them with a genuine tone, not condesending, it will bring such joy to your husband. Look at it this way, pretend your DOG did some cool fantastic trick? Or stood up and did the dishes?? You’d fall all over him with praise and love and attention. Why not give that to the man you promised to love forever?
And guess what? Your dog would do it again and again because he wants the praise!! Get it??
I hear my clients say, “But these are his JOBS around the house He’s supposed to take out the trash and do the dishes!! Why do I have to compliment him every time he does something he’s supposed to do?!”
One reason: Because Men are Men. Men need to hear they are appreciated. Period. You are doing it for him. Not for you.
“Yes, but he never compliments ME!!”
Because women don’t need affirmations. We have other fish to fry and do not need that extra words to keep us going. Men do.
You don’t have to do what I’m suggesting, but if you do, you will reap the rewards.
What does it mean to Give Affection to a Husband:
Affection does not mean sex or blow jobs. It means smaller acknowledging moments to keep him aware you love him.
Examples? When he walks in the door, and you are at home, you get off your ass and go greet him with a huge hug. We all should be hugging someone at least 8 times a day. When it’s your husband, your hugs need to last about 6-8 seconds. People NEED hugs and love and touching.
Here’s how the calming power of touch works on a physiological level: Touch stimulates pressure receptors under the skin that carry signals to the vagus nerve, which connects the brain to the rest of the body. The vagus nerve, in turn, uses those signals to slow down the nervous system, lowering heart rate and blood pressure and curbing the activity of the stress hormone cortisol, an immune-system suppressant. Being touched also triggers a rush of the neurotransmitters serotonin, a lack of which has been linked to depression, and dopamine, which regulates pleasure.
When a person is deprived of touch, these things don’t happen: The vagus nerve doesn’t calm the body into lowering heart rate and blood pressure; cortisol, with its immune-destroying power, isn’t kept in check; and those neurotransmitters don’t kick in to regulate our mood and emotional state. If touch helps keep a person healthy, then lack of it — especially in cases of heightened trauma or suffering — can literally make them ill.
And over time, it all accumulates. While we don’t know exactly how long it takes for the effects of touch deprivation to manifest, a child temporarily starved of their typical levels of touch — a parent away on a trip, or loss of a best friend they cuddled with — depression set came within a few days.
Bottom line: Adults and children are affected. Touching applies to ALL of us. We all need affection. Love. Touch. Hug. Kiss. Cuddles.
How To Give a Husband Attention:
This one takes effort in our oh-so-busy-day. The simple words: “How are you?” Opens the door to many conversations. But let’s go through some examples of details so you get this one right:
Stop. Stop what you are doing and look at your husband.
Eye contact. No one looks at each other anymore. Look at him in the eyes and say something kind or caring about him to his face.
Move over to make room for him on the couch or in bed.
Take Action to snuggle or walk up behind him while he is doing something and just give him a hug from behind.
Tell him he looks “hot” in whatever clothes he has on. If you see him and feel something GOOD – share it with him. Tell him. He needs to know!
When you are out with him and others, reach for his hand or wait for him when he’s behind you getting out of the car.
You are smart. You got to this page here right? I know you understand where I’m going with this article. Don’t blow this stuff off. Start today.
I’m here if you need me, to share a story, an idea, want me to speak at your church or event? Reach out: TheWifeExpert @ gmail.com (no spaces- that’s just for spam prevention)