7 ways to Know if he IS really right for me…is a question we all ask at one point. Specially after all the bull shit that may or may not have gone wrong in your relationship…you wonder…”maybe he’s not the right guy for me?” Or “maybe I made a mistake years earlier?” Are you wondering this?? Are you doubting that decision because after 20 years things aren’t easy now?
How do I really know if he IS right for me can be figured out in 7 ways.
- He has good parents or role models who not only have learned from their mistakes but have shared them with your future husband. And now your future husband knows and understands these parental figure mistakes so that he can not do them himself and be able to verbalize them to you too. (wow – seriously bad run on sentence…but it had to have been said.) If your husband’s parents are good people and great role models to their son, even if you don’t like them, this is a bonus for you. When a man sees his parents act loving to each other – if he listened and learned, you, the wife, are set. He may be a jerk or a dick here or there but at his core he’s seen love and care even in the face of yucky stuff – because there ALWAYS is yucky stuff. (so that you feel comfortable your future partner won’t make those mistakes either!)
- He makes you feel like you want to be the best verion of yourself.
I love this one. A man that makes a woman feel valued, loved and cared for as well as provides the space for her to grow is a gem.
- He helps you heal when you screw up or make a mistake.
The husband that hears a wife’s mistake and then uses it to make her feel worse is one I have seen over and over. The excuse is, “I’m jsut trying to be funny…” But it’s not. The husband that comforts and confirms his wife is human, capable of an error or two, is a confident one who knows and her as well as himself.
- He’s a mirror and if he notices and shares with you the little things about yourself that aren’t perfect, regardless of how he feels, he gets over them quickly because he knows they have little to do with him.
We all walk around all day being ourselves but our closest friend/lover can see negative things about us that we are completely unable to see. Whether they share them with us or not, as long as they accept us for who we are and let us deal with our own mess, is what makes a great person even better.
- He loves you unconditionally.
Meaning he’s able to see ALL your ‘shit’ in your backyard that you take with you from relationship to relationship (friends included) and he still chooses to like you! We love our children this way…it’s the great spouse that can figure out how to love their partner this way.
- He makes you feel safe.
He keeps the family on a budget, he saves money, he makes you feel secure that he would never leave with any other woman, ever. The man that has no plan, no budget, no personal or family goals for himself or his family that he and his wife share, can all lead to fear and worry to one or both partners. Fear of divorce, job loss, job security, lack of money, add stress, more fear, more worry and unsafe feelings.
- You let him love you.
Ahhh. Sounds wonderful right? And super easy too. We all think this. I can even hear you say, “Gosh, I let everyone love me!” But do you? Really? Letting someone love you means being vunerable, letting your guard down and letting someone IN…to SEE you. Really see you. It’s easy to say you give love and help others receive love, yet in reality, it’s so easy to accept love back)
Marriage is not for the faint of heart… or the fearful of conflict. But marriage IS for those who are willing to give each other room to GROW and change. Because in order to keep moving in our lives, we have to do both. Often. The person you are today will not be who you are in 10 years. Same with your husband. That guy you sleep with won’t be the same guy in 10 years. (that could be GOOD! HA!) Staying connected while you both grow and change is what will keep you together. Even when things get yucky. Marriages, good and bad, all have conflict and they all go through good and bad crap. It is complerely asinine (foolish) to believe you can live with another human for years and years and years, share money, toothpaste and a bed without disagreements. They will come. It’s what you do about them when they come that matters. It’s all about reactions.
Bottom Line (there are TWO):
1) The biggest take away from this “How Do I know If He is Right For Me” list of 7 above is the first one. #1. Think about this…if you as a marriage partner go into marriage and haven’t witnessed or seen partners/couples/parents work thru a fight/argument/conflict to reach a viable solution, or no solution at all, just an amicable happy place, how in the heck would you know how to do it yourself or even believe it is possible?
2) The above list has everything to do with you, your desires and your wants. If you happend upon this article/page because of Google or some random link, it’s because you are worried about him being right for you. But what then about the flip side. A more important thought. One you can control.
What about you? What about what you bring to the table? Regardless if he is right for you or not…are you right for him? Or anyone for that matter?
Take a minute to pause or think about this for a few minutes. Are you the right person for the man you are with?