How Our Ego Kills Relationships


It lives inside all of us.  It can take over and control our actions.  And if we aren’t careful, whom ever we are loving, it can kill our relationship and destroy that too…our Ego.  

Let me give you an example:

Recently a dear male friend of mine, let’s call him Joe, told me he is done with his girlfriend of 5 years.  HE walked out on HER and then came to see me to share all the details of what he did.  He stood tall and spoke with authority as he described his actions.

My response to him was, “Wow…you must feel proud…”

He said, “I am!  I’m in control of my own life.  And I’m not taking that crap from her or any other girl anymore…”

I said, “Taking what crap?”

“How she treats me!”

“She treats you badly?”

He paused for a second and said, “Well…she actually treated me pretty good…  I just don’t like how she needs other guys to make her feel better about herself.”

Ego kills“What other guys?”

“I don’t know…there always seems to be another guy texting her, checking in to see how she is, and she always texts back with them.  It’s all to make herself feel better.  She needs other people to tell her she is okay. She just can’t be happy with herself.  It’s ridiculous.”

“Do you really think she is out looking for another guy?”

He thought for a moment before speaking, “Ah…probably not…”

“How do you make her feel safe in your relationship with her?  Do you think she feels safe with YOU?  Meaning, have you offered her a long term committed relationship?”‘


“Yet you expect her to stop talking to other people and put all her eggs in your basket hoping for you’ll change?”

The Aha Moment:

It was at this point he looked and me and I couldn’t help myself.  I started to laugh.  He took a minute before he started to chuckle too.  He realized he got all up in a tizzy and broke up with his girlfriend because of his EGO.  Because of his pride.  And when you break it down like this…to a human level…it’s all STUPID.

Here is the deal:  People just want to be loved.  Feel loved.  Real.  Honest. Open. True.  Love.  Ego and Pride get in the way of love.

If you love someone, love them.  Do not put tags or restrictions or labels or ‘if you do this, then I’ll do that…”  Just love.  Just accept.  Then YOU be the BEST YOU that you can be and rest assured…they will match you and all WILL be fantastic!

Just love.  Just love.  Just love. 

Here is a great question to Ask yourself:
“Did I come to earth to take or to give?”

Bottom Line:

It seems so simple and so easy to understand…yet when we forget and we suddenly feel needy and want something we aren’t getting….we get demanding and begin to behave like we are 4 years old.

But can you control what others give you?  Nope.  You CAN control what you give to others.  Because let’s say this together:  The only thing you can control is YOU.  You can’t control other people.  Ever.  Trying to even think about controlling what others do or think will lead to endless disappointment. And really…who wants that?  So don’t.  Stop worrying about anything or anyone else but YOU.

What makes YOU great?

Do that.

Be that.


Just be kind.

Just love.

Just love…

I am here for you, to help.  Email me any time with questions, problems, interview suggestions or article ideas you want me to do, tape, write about and post here.  Or if you have a gathering you’d like me to speak to.  Be it a women’s group, church gathering, or other function.  Let’s bring marriage back to a place of kindness, teamwork and love.  What we do passes on to all generations.
Help make that positive change today.
Email me:  TheWifeExpert @ gmail . com (take out the spaces)

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Laurie McDermott is a Writer, Marriage Coach, Speaker at women events and conferences and posts regularly on She also is a recurring guest on many radio & TV shows. Book her here!


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