Best Marriage Advice #103: The Marriage Box.
What the heck is a marriage box?
It’s your wedding day and you open a gift. Inside you find a note for a $200 gift someone opened for you in a stock with your name on it. Saying “If you stay married more than 30 years this money is yours!”
Wouldn’t that be cool? Then one day in 30 years, that $ invested in say…Starbucks, is now worth $130,000? It happens! How fun right? Stocks like marriage are a gamble. Only with marriage the outcome is mostly in your control.
The world today is all about “me…me…me”:
1) What’s in it for me??
2) I’m leaving because I’m not getting what I want.
3) He isn’t giving me anything.
4) He doesn’t make me happy?
5) I’m not happy.
Here are my responses:
1) Who said marriage guaranteed something for you?
2) Do you know what you want? Have you asked for what you want? Have you given your partner what he wants?
3) It’s not his job to give you things.
4) It’s not his job to make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness.
5) see #4.
In order to get what you want, you have to put in effort. I hear all the time, “I do…I give and give..he gives me nothing.”
I’m pretty sure if I had your husband here right now he would say the same thing about you. That’s how marriage works when couples keep score.
Your job is to give him what he needs and hope he lives up to his end of the deal. But what happens is when someone starts to fail at giving the other reacts and stops giving and then it’s a game of who is getting more. And in the end, no one gets anything…and it goes round and round.
The way to get OUT of that cycle is to stay straight. Do your part and quit worrying about him doing his. Make sure you are connected and communicating and doing everything you have to do on your side w/o keeping score and even worrying about it.
Here is the real marriage box: God I love this!