His Affair is His Biggest Regret…Gary’s Story…
Gary was 26, when a few months before his wedding day he had an affair with one of the bridesmaids standing up in his wedding and this action became his solo life regret.
Looking back he said it was the most stupidest thing he could do.
Because 6 weeks after marrying the love of his life, the bridesmaid he had the affair with came forward with news that she was pregnant with his child.
Worried about rumors, he quickly broke the news to his bride and then he told their devastated families. His new wife demanded an annulment and, rightly so, never spoke to him again.
Gary, raised by good parents, did the right thing by his mistake and married the woman he barely knew that was going to have his baby.
Fast forward 19 years, Gary looks back on his life and sighs with regret, “I should have stayed loyal to my first bride…I was so in love. I never was in love with the mother of my children. It was a duty marriage.”
Gary and his co-cheating bride stayed together 15 years before he finally told her he had to move on. Gary says he knew the day they were getting married that it was a mistake. Even now, his two sons (after the first child was born, they had one more) and even his wife all knew he was never in love with her. He just stayed because it was the right thing to do.
I questioned Gary if him leaving was indeed the right thing to do.
His response was, “If everyone you are close to knows you want to leave, do you stay and let them see you miserable?”
“Why were you miserable?” was my question to him.
“Because I married the wrong woman…”
At some point in all marriages, maybe many points in all marriages, partners all will feel they married the wrong person. But then…if they don’t bail, they find a reason to stay.
You can spend your whole marraige regreting decisions and choices or you can look at the life you did build today and be grateful for what you have. But people don’t do that anymore. Everyone looks to what they don’t have…or what they want instead. They want instant gratification…the manicured lawn…the perfect life…
But the only time it every exists is when you decide it exists.
Today Gary wonders what his life would have been like if he had been faithful? He will never know. His head dropped a bit when he said it’s been 19 years since he last saw her. But knew he ‘scarred” her emotional forever.
Did he ever cheat on the wife he married for 15 years?
“Nope. Never.” He says, “I learned my lesson.”
Is he happy now?
No. Not yet. He is lost in regret and sadness of what his past brought to his current life. He still wonders if he should look up his old love…then he wonders if he should have stayed in his marriage instead of bailing…because the women he’d been dating aren’t anything like his wife.
My advice? When you decide to marry someone…you make a choice to love that person. Even when it’s hard. Even when they don’t deserve it. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do. You have to find the love. Find the joy. Love and marriage are not easy. But they are worth it.
Make your marriage worth it. If Your Husband had an Affair: Do Not Give Up!
Read everything! Learn. Ask for advice. Be better. We all can be better people.
Then ORDER the following books. And READ them!!
The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity – A great book on Infidelity.
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful – Another great read.