How To Forgive: The Story of Inez and Charlie

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Inez is a sweet older lady.  Married for 37 years, she and her husband Carlos loved each other.

“…To the end and back!” they would say to each other unaware that an ending may come sooner than expected.

Inez was a realtor and Carlos was a professor.  Together they had 3 children and 5 homes: 1 main house, 1 summer home, and three rentals.  One to give each of their children when they were old enough…or when they both passed away.

Then came the woman.  She is nameless on her and nameless to anyone that would consider being with a married man, but she stole the heart of Carlos.  Maybe because he was bored, or feeling ‘old’ but this woman flirted and Carlos bit.

Soon he was disappearing at night and then he even packed his bag and told Inez he was leaving to go live with her.  Their marriage was done.

Inez, a Catholic woman, cried and prayed.  She visited the priest at her parish so often she was sure they would kick her out.

How did this happen she wondered?  Not enough love?  Not enough sex?

Turns out it was none of these.  After losing her self-confidence and hiding in a hole for over a year, Inez began to realize, Carlos and his affair had very little to do with her.

Was she a perfect wife?  “Hardly…” she laughs today.  But she was strong and determined.

During those three years Carlos with off with the lady, Inez got a job and went back to work.

During this time her children all left the nest, Carlos lost his job and then a few more jobs went by the wayside, their homes all went into default and foreclosed and even Inez had to move out of her dream home and into a rental.

MCL Mid life crisis husband wifeWas it hard?  Her eyes well up with tears.  Yes.  “Sucked” was the word the 60+ year old Inez used.

Then after three years, Carlos began to show keep Inez on the phone a little longer…he spent a little more time delaying his departure when he stopped by to see Inez.  And then, more and more, Inez opened her door to him.

“Every time he showed up on my door,
I had two choices…
tell him to go __ himself
or
welcome him in for a soda…”

She really wanted to do the first, but did the later because…
well…that’s what Jesus would have done.  And as she said, “I did it with a smile!!”

They ate dinner together.  They watched movies.  They laughed.  They were old friends reconnecting.  And during this time Inez, still angry at the past, did her best to try and treat him like Jesus would have treated him saying, “Life is short, if I stay angry with him and never forgive him, the only one I’m hurting is myself.”

Inez and Carlos very soon connected anew and turned their marriage back to being stronger than ever!

“A Good Marriage is Built with Patience, sewn together by grace, laced with kindness and surrounded by faith.”

When you wake each morning, it’s your day. It’s your life.  It’s your choice.  Each decision you make leads you down a certain path.   If things aren’t going well…and you don’t know what to do, stop asking friends who haven’t been there.  Seek advice from a person that’s been through what you have.  And can guide you in the right direction.  Don’t wait.  Don’t sit in muck.  Do something to change it.

I can help.  Do not give up on your marriage.  There is hope.  I will hold your hand and guide you to where you want to go.

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