Tuesday, May 21, 2019
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How To Have a MidLife Crisis in 18 Steps

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How To Have a MidLife Crisis in 18 Easy Steps

Wow. This is meant to be a joke, but if you read it knowing it is a joke you will see the TRUTH through the funny.  No one likes funny more than me, and as much pain as this subject has brought me over the years, I actually like this creative piece of writing.

For just a moment, I hope you enjoy the Midlife Crisis in 18 Steps for what it was meant to do:  bring humor to a sad, sore, destructive happening in our world today.

The point is to read the Midlife Crisis in 18 Steps as if YOU were the one wanting to have a crisis and you didn’t give a flying f*#k what anyone else thought.

If you read it as if you were WANTING to have the MLC, then you will see what is going on inside the head of a person with MLC.  It’s perfect.  Beyond perfect.  Do Not take this too seriously (I don’t want hate email).

Again, please pretend that YOU are choosing to go thru a midlife crisis but don’t know where to start!

Be Prepared:

If you are involved with anyone that you believe is having a midlife crisis, I send you love and compassion.  The fact that you are here and reading this in the first place means you really care and love your spouse enough to look into what you could do to help.

To give proper credit, this exerpt is adapted (I added and changed a lot to make it funnier) from a site called:  http://midlifeclub.com/midlife-for-dummies.htm. 

The following “book” originated on The Midlife Club forum several years ago in a thread started by a member with the forum ID of “Boosbrde”.

It has been copied and posted to other sites without crediting where it originated (and without my newly added additions to make it funny!!)  Copyright The Midlife Club. All rights reserved.  Please visit their site and read all of their articles – a wealth of information)

How To Have a Midlife Crisis (Chapters) (Lol):

Chapter 1 – Choosing the Correct Speech starting with, “I love you but I’m not IN love with you.”
Chapter 2 – Lessons in Building Anxiety, so you look really screwed up and she will gain hope in thinking she can “fix you”.
Chapter 3 – The “OP” aka “Other Person” aka hot young babe of a girlfriend you know is out of your league.
Chapter 4 – Cake Eating (unable to choose between wife and hottie, so you do both till you get caught or one bails on you making the choice easy.)
Chapter 5 – Rewriting Your History so your wife knows, you’ve never, ever loved her.  In fact she actually forced you to the altar.
Chapter 6 – Buy new clothes, new shoes, new hair!  Buy new everything, but only do this buying new stuff for you!  Because it is All About You!  Dah.
Chapter 7 – Avoid deep relationship conversations with the spouse at all costs, Ignore anyone you love, & Run whenever anyone asks about your future plans.
Chapter 8 – Therapy (hahaha)
Chapter 9 –  Act like a 4 year old in any and all arguments that you create hourly in the house where your wife lives.
Chapter 10 – How To Threaten/How To Move Out and still leave 1/2 your shit at home.
Chapter 11 – Art of Clinging, to really mess with the brain of the spouse.
Chapter 12 – How to make the Spouse Think She is Crazy.
Chapter 13 – Custody of the kids, as for now, while you care only about you, they are just pawns to be used only for your advantage.
Chapter 14 –  Button Pushing.  Bring up past fights and anything that annoys your spouse to continue to confuse her.
Chapter 15 -18 – The Blame Game is a game you must dominate. (see methods below)
Method 1: The Classic Non-Blame Statement
Method 2: The Passive Blame Statement
Method 3: The Direct Blame Statement

The Coach:

As you know I am a wife coach AND I am here for you, to help.
If you are having trouble in your marriage, please try and read as much as you can here at TheWifeExpert.com or anywhere you can gain information.  If you need more help specific to your situation with your spouse, I can help.
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