You are about to get married.

He or she is perfect. But your future spouses parents hate each other or treat each other unkindly, are rude or mean to each other.

Be careful.

Your future spouse may be normal now…or may show you love and affection now…but later…people do what they know. They do what they see, what they saw.  And those role models they watched for years and years and years, are their parents!

So if you are about to marry someone, look at their parents.  And take notice. That’s what you are about to marry.  That is what your relationship will turn out like.

My friend at work was raised by parents that loved each other.  They weren’t a perfect couple (there is no such thing) but they loved each other and treated each other with respect.  Everyone gets in disagreements, fights and other spats.  But it’s how they handle those disagreements, fights and spats that tell you about their relationship.

Do they make up quickly?
Do they hold grudges?
Do they always have to be right?
Do they apologize quickly?
Do they stay angry for days and days?
Do they stop saying, “I love you..”just to be mean?
Do they put they head in the sand and hope it goes away?
Do they work together to solve their problem?  Come up with solutions and show their kids that even if they argue, they still love each other?Do they try and communicate right away and if they can’t solve the problem, agree to disagree?

If you answered yes to the above questions, call me!  You are just what I”m looking for!!  That was a joke.  But if those are things you are doing, you are doing great!  You are going to be setting a fine example for your children.  They need to see mom and dad do the following:

  1. Compliment each other in front of the kids.
  2. Back each other in front of the kids.
  3. Be a united front to them at all times, even if the wife is wrong, your kids need to see that dad still backs mom and mom still backs dad. “I may not agree with her, but this is what your mom wants and I’m here to support her…”
  4. Cuddle and kiss every day in front of your kids! Let them hear you say, “I love you!”  To your spouse! Every time you leave!! Every time you come and go!! Every time you talk via phone!!  Even i you don’t ‘feel’ it at the moment, just saying it gets your mind convinced it’s what you are doing!  Your kids?  They will say: “Yuck!” “Gross”  but seeing you kiss your spouse just tells them “MY WORLD IS SAFE!!!” and “unlike all my friends parents, mine are happy and keeping our family together!”
  5. Argue and make up.
  6. Treat each other with respect.  NO name calling or “You are just a…”  No fighting mean.  Fight fair. Always.

Your kids watch you for a living.

Be the role model for them.

Be the person you wish your parents had modeled for you.

If your partner won’t join in, do it anyway.  Sooner or later, they will get the hint that the way you are acting is proper and they will follow.