Midlife Crisis Success Story: Allie and Mike
Allie was just 18 and a freshman at the Southern Baptist University when she met Mike (a senior) and fell head over heels in love.
“He was the best thing I’d ever seen or met…” Allie says about her new man back then.
He too was so smitten, he asked her to marry him in just under 6 months!
They were an adorable happy couple and while money was tight, they traveled all over the US with his career until they finally settled in California and had three children.
Life was good until money was tight, her marriage was causing her stress and Allies mom as well as her best friend all passed away in just a short time. Allie now says that back then she just felt so so unhappy. And an unbareable squeeze was bearing down on her that was forcing her to move, see change, get out, leave.
So she did.
She just left?
Yes, she left. Everything. One day she picked up and walked out. She left her husband and her kids. Just like that. Unsure of where to go or what to do, she wandered around dating a few men, had a few boyfriends and just felt lost.
She didn’t know where she wanted to go, she only knew she didn’t want to go home. It was too much. Too much stress. She wanted peace and calm and alone she found she could breathe.
What did Her Husband Do?
While he was mad, angry and very shocked, he never showed frustration or yelled at her. He had a calm sense of understanding and let her just go…hoping she’d wake up and return to him one day.
He would reach out to her often. Just to check in or say hi. She didn’t mind. She liked him and enjoyed his company. She said they were always friends, she just couldn’t be home with him at that time.
Did she want a Divorce?
No. She didn’t want a divorce, but after 5 years of separation, he did. He called her one day and told her it was time. He wanted a divorce. He wanted to be done.
Allie was shocked and reluctant, but went along with what he wanted.
Then 4 months after the divorce was final, Mike called Allie and invited her out for dinner and drinks. They were having a nice time when Mike asked Allie what she thought about reconciling. Allie stared at him blankly, not expecting this from Mike. Sadly she said no. No, she did not want to get back together with him. It was at that moment, she knew her words crushed Mike to break…and that this was probably the last time he would ever ask her to reconnect.
Allie and Mike both went home. Alone.
The Breaking Point?
Several days later Allie sat in her place thinking. What was she doing? She had already broken up with another man she knew wasn’t right for her and for the first time in her life she was alone with her thoughts. Really alone. And really ready to think about what she wanted. She had gone from her mom’s home to Mikes home and from there she never really stopped dating. And now, she had the time to think, to feel, to know.
What did she want?
No man she had met was ever going to compare with the love she had for a man she shared her children with. They were nice and fun but they meant nothing to her. Her husband did. Her family did.
It was in just those few days after Mike had asked her to reconcil that she had made her decision: She wanted Mike, her ex husband. She wanted her family together.
The Final Meeting?
Three days after she told him no, Allie called Mike to get together again for dinner and he didn’t hesitate to met her. Then there at the restaurant she told him that she did indeed want to be with him again. He almost fell on the floor. He was so happy. That night she said they had such a blast together.
A few days later she moved into his new house and he treated her like a queen. He made her tea, poured a bath for her and then, he let her sleep alone in his bedroom while he slept on the couch. He was taking it slow with her and giving her the space she needed.
When they told their kids, they were glad and angry at the same time. They were skeptical and just didn’t understand? Why break up?? Why get back together??
Securing Kid Confidence:
Allie and Mike assured their kids this was going to be it and they were right! 10 years later, they are still going strong. Respect and adoration and just a love and respect for one another is key to their staying connected.
They didn’t have to remarry the 2nd time. Why? The Catholic Church doesn’t really recognize divorce. Once you are married, it’s forever. So they renewed their vows.
When Allie share her story with me, I cried. Happy tears. Because hearing her story is one of hope and love.
I hope you have hope for your husband, your wife and your family. Don’t give up!! Anything is possible.
In the same way your husband may have been a great guy and now he’s having an affair…he too could be that great guy again.