Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater…? True? False?

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Everyone has their opinion.  You have yours.  I have mine. It’s completely personal…and be careful of the girl/man that tells you “Once a cheater…always a cheater…” after you’ve been betrayed.

Shhhh….Did you know, there’s a group of people on this planet who are miserable?  Any opportunity to get another to join their team is a bonus for the dark side.

Don’t go there.  Don’t go negative.  Stay positive.  Stay hopeful.  People can and do get their heads out of their ass.  It just takes time.

cheating spouse“Once a cheater, always a cheater” is such a popular concept, I actually repeatedly repeated it to myself the week after finding out my husband had been having an affair.

 

When I found out, I was done.  I believed that saying…and after all the lying and deceit?  How could I ever trust him again?  He lied.  He lied to me.  The person he asked to marry him, share a life together, have babies with, build a home together.  He chose me and then he chose to lie to me to protect some skanky girl.  Some worthless woman (if you can even call her that) who decided it was a good idea to get involved with a married man.  During those first few weeks after I found out, my husband and I still lived together…both of us getting used to the new reality of…what?  I didn’t know.  We had kids, jobs and crap to do. At some point during this time he said to me that she was such a nice person, the nicest person he’d ever met, so much so that he told me, “you should meet her, you’d really like her…all her friends think she’s so wonderful…”  Really?  All my friends think I’m wonderful too.  Did you ever ask them about me?  Meet her?  I’d rather poke out my eyes with a toe nail pick.

I had so many questions.  Silly ones, stupid ones, gory ones.  Unlike most people out there who didn’t want to know a time.  I had to know any and all details so that my mind would stop wandering to the worst imaginable picture I’d already created in my mind.  (Member I’m a writer?  My imagination works overtime) Nightly it was an ongoing challenge to sleep as I lay awake for hours (sometimes the sun came up and I still hadn’t slept) attempting to piece together a giant web of who, what, where, when, why….stopping only to burst into tears wondering, “WTF?”

I couldn’t believe after all these years with my husband, he let his mind and life sway so far to the left that he had packed up his things, left the beautiful home of myself and our three kids, found a small 1 room shack and was now sleeping with another woman?   There was always so many pieces missing.  Things I just couldn’t wrap my head around.  He faced so many struggles at this time: death of relatives, unhappiness with his new boss, his job, he kept making comments about his body, his hair, his age.  Yes this choice, this implosion of our family, was the best solution he could come up with to cope with the struggles he’d been facing?

Knowing what I know now.  I wouldn’t have said what I said back then, “I’m done….(wait for it…) Once a cheater, always a cheater!”

cheating spouseHe wants out to be with this girl, go.  Fine. Done.  After all, my hubby was the product of a fourth marriage, and abandoned children and wives from the previous marriages.  Why would that apple fall far from the tree?  He could cheat and and cheat and carry on his secrets and lies without me.  I was moving on to find a normal, kind, nice man..who had good, kind loving parents and who rode in on a horse.  Yeah.  Right.  I know there are good ones out there, however, no one wants a depressed, slumpy, sweatshirt wearing, mini-van driving Mommy?  The chance that some hot guy was hiding in the corner Starbucks waiting for me in Los Angeles was slim.

I did meet a ton of nice, good-looking men during this time of separation, who, when you asked them about their previous marriage the first thing out of their mouth, “Well…she…blah, blah, blah…”  Notice how when you ask this question to either a man or woman, “What happened to your first marriage…?”  RARELY does the person answering say, “I just was a dick.  An ass.  I ruined her/his life…”  No one says that.  Because it’s always the other guy’s fault.  So they answer with, “She/He…..” and the story builds by itself.

cheating spouseSo “once a cheater always a cheater…?”  Maybe.  If they never learn their lesson?  Yes.  Because if they aren’t a narcissist, at some point it will occur to them that cheating actually hurts another.

If you’ve had that comment flash through your mind too.  I’m sorry.  It sucks.  But each and every day that goes by…it gets better.  Easier.  Keep the faith.  Keep going.

Hope these quotes make you feel better…or at least laugh, knowing other people (other funny people) have been there too.

Want him back?  I’m here to help:

 Marriage coaching – click here to Reach Me!

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