Wife Speaks to Midlife Crisis Husband

One of my girls (aka wives I’m coaching) is allowing me to share a text she sent to her husband on New Years Day.

After working with her for months, I’m so proud of her. She has come a long way since our very first phone call and while she and her husband remain in different homes, she stands lovingly strong from afar with open arms unattached to any outcome.

Men want freedom ladies. The more we show positive love to all and stay straight focusing on living our own goals and dreams, and let them be free to be themselves to fly or fall, the more they are drawn to be with us.

She writes to her midlife crisis husband

Introducing the letter from an amazing left-behind woman to her husband. The “who, what, where and how” do not matter. All I want you to see is her honesty and acceptance for only who she is and what she can control. That is ALL you can do right now. The sooner you learn to become the girl you were when he met you so long ago, the faster things will turn around…for you first and then for your marriage.


“Happy New Year! I am very sorry that you were hurt by not talking to the girls last night. There is no part of me that wants you to be in pain or to hurt. It breaks my heart that you feel that way.

There are a lot of faults on both sides of us. Neither of us were perfect. There are things that I have done and said to hurt you and for that, I am truly sorry. I don’t have any excuse, explanation or insightful perspective on ALL of the things that I screwed up. I am so very sorry for the pain that I caused.

We had some very difficult things happen to us in our marriage and family. Under the best of circumstances, marriage and family is grueling. Add the stuff that we went through, our youth our lack of foundation in something greater than our own understanding and well….insert implosion😳

We did the absolute best we could. I am proud of us for everything that we did, just as we did it. It’s almost like we were being tested and we beat every test that came our way.

Then just as I thought we were turning a page for the better…this test came our way. The biggest one perhaps that we will ever face. I say that holding my breath, cause I don’t want any more tests in my life…especially not as big as this one.🤪

I want you to know, you have never (in my eyes or the eyes of our children) been a failure. I can see where you might have thought that I saw you that way and I am so ashamed for making you feel like a failure. I am so very sorry for hurting you. So please don’t ever call yourself a failure. I have a few suggestions for other names that you can call yourself and failure is NOT on that list! (I really do have a list…hit me up if you wanna see it!) But never have I thought you to be a failure.

I have had many failures. I failed at being a perfect wife…which I learned the other day that being a perfect wife really isn’t possible. Imagine my disappointment. 🤣 I was like damn…someone should have told me that. Maybe I wouldn’t have pushed my family and myself so hard to reach an ideal that wasn’t possible.
I failed at being the perfect mother.
I failed at being the perfect friend.
I failed at being the perfect communicator.

Who knew that I wasn’t communicating effectively?
Who knew that men and women communicate and receive words and actions differently?? 😱Mind-blowing!!!

I see it like this…the words and actions were coming out of you but they were being filtered by my past, my intentions and my thoughts.

I’m so sorry, and you may not know this, but I am a screwed up human….shocking I know, right! But I am. I am a screwed up, self-centered human. Whew! I said it. I own it. The list of my failures is way too long to list here and besides, you have loved me through A LOT of them.

But I am not a failure. I am a work in progress. I am good grapes and the Winemaker is pressing me. I am going to be an exquisite wine. And so will you! You are only a failure when you give up. So don’t give up. I haven’t and I will never give up on you.

Happy New Year!!

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