How To Fall Back In Love

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“I’m not in love with you…I really don’t think I was ever in love with you…” are the words my husband said to me after I learned of his affair.

I paused. It was like God hit pause on my entire life. Bleep. Then suddenly everything went in slow motion. I was aware of my body, my chest and the air going into my lungs.

Perhaps because if I wasn’t thinking about it, I would have died because I forgot to breathe. My husband’s words stung. Like 2849 poisonous bees attacking at the exact same time. Ouch.

Reality:

Was I living a lie? Did I love him and he never loved me. I was forced to relook at our entire relationship. Was I an instigator of some sort and convinced this man who never wanted to marry me and never loved me to fake a life with me for 6 years of dating and 15 of being married.

How did I miss such a big lie? Right in front of me?

All that stuff above I just wrote went through my head in like 4 seconds. Then the defensive person I know who lives inside me forced it’s way out on top and let loose. I yelled and screamed at him (cause that’s what you do when you want someone to love you. You force them!) as best as I could. Cause I’m not really a yeller. My kids joke that I don’t know how to yell. Of course I do know how to whine and I can complain like a bitchy girlfriend because my comedy blood constantly needs “complaints to grow” to become interesting stories I could repeat onstage.

MY FAULT:

I was confused. Dizzy. Mad. Sick. Lost. Done. Depressed. I could go on, but the whole reason you are here is because you know exactly what this feels like, right?

After a few days of sulking and exploration with close friends, who took my husbands words as a crock of crap, I finally came to the same conclusion. My husband was lying to make his affair “okay.” Cause if he loved me, or always loved me, and now has a new person, he’s a bad guy.

And also, in reviewing photos from the past and all of the memories I reflected on from our start together, I was sure from the beginning till…somewhere along the way…he did love me.

When he stopped or why he stopped, I can’t really say, but to him, this “I don’t love you” thing was real. And he believed it.

THE CRAZY MAN:

Which sucks. And which is why I thought he was crazy. Specially when you meet these other men (like I did because I interviewed many of them for 2 years) who started off just like my husband did (normal) and currently still stand up for their wives and families. They stand up and say, “I married her. Sure there may be better women out there. But this woman is mine and yeah, she is not perfect, but neither am I.”

Can I get an “Amen?”

What happens to us when we stop remembering what we once promised? Was it just too hard? Did the other person just change? Did you change?

LOVE IS A CHOICE:

Here is what I know about this Love thing. It’s a choice. Sure it’s all feelings in the start. The lovey dovey feeling…but then as times goes on and life gets messy, love goes in and out. So you stay with it. You make a choice to love.

Like your kids. Kids are a pain in the ass no matter how much you tell me they are perfect. They are horrid and crazy too, but we love them. To the ends of the earth. Forever! I always tell my kids: THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN’T DO TO MAKE ME NOT LOVE YOU. (remember this…use it!!) Cause kids will test you…and they won’t believe it is possible….

KID: But what if I go to jail?

ME: THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN’T DO TO MAKE ME NOT LOVE YOU.

KID: But what if killed someone…?

ME: THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN’T DO TO MAKE ME NOT LOVE YOU.

KID: But what if I killed YOU…”

ME: Then I’ll be in heaven, and pissed, and may even haunt your ass, but , THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN’T DO TO MAKE ME NOT LOVE YOU!

Cause there isn’t. Right? So why can’t that be the same for your spouse? It’s a choice to love our kids because they are ours. Same thing with the spouse. You love them cause you picked them.

Ha…and you didn’t pick your kids. They just showed up (well, many kids say they picked YOU from heaven!) But you didn’t pick your kids, they just came to you.

The Bottom Line:

Do you get what I’m saying?

Many people think the problems they are having is because of their spouse. If they get rid of the spouse -because they don’t love them – then surely all their problems will go away.

But the truth is – the problems you have now are because of you. Unless your spouse is a druggy or an alcoholic or an abuser….you are your own problems and wherever you go – there you are!

So in order to love your husband or your wife…the first thing you must do: LOVE YOU.

If you LOVE YOU…you love all.

And yes, it IS that simple.

And if you say, “this is all baloney”, that you DO love yourself, I will suggest that you need to read this again.

Or email me and we will have a session. ASAP. What do you have to lose!?