One thing I love is when one of my wives sends me something that was posted a long time ago that I never saw or read. Sometimes I’m even shocked that, when I respond with, “Wow!! This is great!! Where did you get this?” The response I get shocks me, “You! You wrote this…and sent it to me 5 years ago!”
Most recently I had a lady tell me, “Oh, I found it on YOUR website!”
I just laugh. I’m too busy to remember what is where and all I care about is that I give you all the details you need to be your best you!!
Oh and a side note…I had a woman ask me today….”So…if I do all this being nice stuff…as I have been fore 8 months so far and nothing has changed….but if I do this for another 3 years and he’s still not home, then am I to believe, I’m only doing this to be a better person???”
Her: Well, this is so stupid. What a waste of time.
Me: Would you rather be a bitch?
Her: Well…it would be easier.
Me: I would not argue with that.
Sometimes we have to be better people and he still doesn’t come home. YET!!! Life is long!! So YET!!!
Here is something I got today that I want you all to read about MLC from HB. Where I live HB is Hermosa Beach. On the internet with MLC…that would be hearts blessings. I believed this woman has passed away. And I’m crushed as she was full of joy to so many people. Maybe now her words will be engraved in your hearts. They are full and worthy of sharing.
I have to ask this question—have you completely and wholeheartedly accepted that he may still go through with HIS divorce in spite of everything that happens?
If not, you’ve still got some work to do within yourself.
Several weeks before my husband “broke and spoke” at end of Withdrawal, the Lord began showing me of the various possibilities that could happen. I’m sure I’ve probably wrote about this before somewhere else, but the fact is, God was teaching me that final step of letting go, which was surrendering everything–my expectations, my remaining connection, and releasing him completely to choose for himself, what he wanted and what he thought he needed. I learned that I had to want this man to be happy even if it wasn’t with me–and be sincere about it.
I was very unhappy, because God said the possibility existed that my husband was considering leaving everything, and everybody behind in favor of a new life. This is very similar to what the midlife spouse thinks to do when they file for a divorce. Of course, I didn’t see this at that time. I was considering the fact that I had made so many changes in myself, and in spite of those changes, I could still “lose” him–even at that later time in his midlife crisis.
I was angry, because I had done all of this work, and I felt it would be for nothing. The Lord said that wasn’t so, because every change I had made, every bit of growth I had accomplished was for ME. If my husband had not decided to stay in the marriage, then all of these changes I’d made permanent would be reserved for a new relationship–if it came to that point.
For some people it can go that far–but for me, it didn’t. Part of this was my husband’s decision in favor of wanting the marriage again, and part of it was me releasing God to work in his heart without my prayerful interference. I stopped asking, and even begging God to do work in this man’s heart. God knew my will, because He said that He looked at my will, as well as His Will, and looked at my husband’s will, too.
With all these things in His mind, God instructed me to go in PEACE, to go on with my life, focus on our son, and leave Him to His Work. I obeyed that directive, and any prayers I prayed afterward had to do with asking God to look down upon my husband, to keep him safe and protect him, but I didn’t repeat the former request of working in his heart, because God was already doing that in response to a much earlier prayer.
Contrary to what other people might say, God doesn’t “forget” the desires of our hearts. However, we will find that when we keep praying the same prayer, this can mean we don’t have enough faith in ourselves and God, to make our Stand, and release God to do His Work.
Food for thought, because the above means something different to each person.
God never forgot me, He rewarded my faith so many times during this trial. I learned that this trial was so much more than just trying to save a marriage–we have to learn about ourselves first, before we can engage in relationship. This trial was also about life, how it’s supposed to be lived, and the lessons that are supposed to be learned. If we cannot build a relationship with God, and then ourselves, how are we going to know how to build and maintain a relationship with human people?
Everything we need comes from within. This trial is comprised of a spiritual classroom, where the pupils are constantly learning their lessons in such a repetitive way…why? Because Satan is always doing his worst work–to disrupt the flow of learning, harass the teacher–which is GOD–while GOD is always foiling Satan’s plans and doing His best work.
People do so much griping about how much TIME is being taken to finish this trial, but that’s what it takes, and every aspect of learning takes TIME to learn. Focusing on ourselves is required, because focusing on other people we can’t control is a total waste of OUR time–not their time–OUR TIME.
Back to me……..
Bottom line was that his crisis was NOT about me, this was about HIM–what he wanted, what he needed. Though he would have suffered serious consequences had he walked away–in the end, it was never up to me at all. This crisis was all about him.
I had to accept this, release him into the hands of God, and stop praying for God to do anything for him, because again, this was up to him, and not me.
You’re praying this kind of prayer, because somewhere in your own heart, you have NOT accepted that his decisions are all about him. You still think they’re all about you, all about the family, when in all honesty, this crisis, and his decisions made within, is all about him. It has always been about him.
I gave my husband up completely into the Hands of God to deal as only God could deal, and I completely dropped the emotional rope, surrendered the situation into His Hands. Surrendering all is the final part of a three-part process that begins with the recognition of a remaining attachment.
We all begin Attached, then when the situation turns upside down, we go through the process of DEtachment, which removes our feelings, but we still hold on to a single thread that attaches us to our spouse. Surrendering all, removes that last thread. Only then, does letting go, and letting God have the situation, to do His work on the midlife spouse, become complete.
Does it mean we don’t still love? No–when we DEtached, we learned to love with our minds, because our emotions are not in play. So, love can be had but not allowed to influence our actions toward the one who is making decisions we don’t agree with.
My advice is to give this man to God, follow the instructions He is giving to you, and release your remaining connection to this man in the form of surrendering all into His hands.
Yes, you still love him, but there’s not one thing you can do for him.
Let go of him—let God have him. Surrender your heart, soul, and mind to the Most High, so He can do His work with this man’s heart. ((HUGS))
Food for thought.