First lets start with the struggle we all have faced….starting with the first time you heard someone say it to you.
“Let him go…”
“Ugh. Okay…” I’d go into the intention of doing that because I knew the saying, “Let him go and he comes back…” That was the “sold” side of my brain, the reality side of my brain was calling, “BULLSHIT!!!” Once he goes and sees the pretty thing is nicer and kinder and better in bed and just awesome at blow jobs and cooking and doing all these wonderful things for him that I SUCK at.
“Let go…let God…”
Seriously…I’m suposed to let someoen in heaven deal with my marriage? WTF? How does he really know what is going on and why does he care about MY marriage and what about that girl, doesn’t she believe in God?? What if God wants HER to be happy and my husband is just the pawn to make HER life better?? And I’m just the horrible snake he makes me out to be that deserve nothing good?
So if I let go…. she gets him and my story is done! UGH!!!
I can’t let go.
The voices from people would continue to say, “Just Let him go….”
I got really good at lying, “Oh yea….I did…I’m already dating and living my life and all is good…” Then I’d go home and cry.
How do you let go and still keep a place for him if he comes home? It didn’t seem possible.
So how do you do it?
How do you let him go?
I wish they said it differently. It’s not a letting go…it’s a “Pause” it’s a DRV moment when you hit the pause on the movie to go pee or go make popcorn. In reality….you set him free…for the moment/the time being…and you take him and all the stuff that involves him and put him in a box on a shelf, in your house, where you can still access him and pull out where you left off, but you let him go from your daily life, world and activities….
That’s my wrist – June 15, 2013. (26 days after implosion) I would write it there with black sharpie…then it would come off and I’d write it back on again… And again… And again…
I knew if I let him go….I had a chance. But to keep my anger inside and to keep fighting him against what he wanted (this new thing he wanted out of the blue) was just breaking my brain.
HOW IS THIS FUCKING POSSIBLE???
How do you take a man who was madly in love with a woman and shift him into a midlife crisis where he leaves his kids and his wife and his friends and all his family….just so he can see ONE girl…a human he may have just met recently??? An option that includs leaving his home and being away from his kids?? And his DOG??? His dog….who he loved more than anything???
Let’s show the dog….
I’ll admit…no one in their right mind would ever leave this dog on purpose. No one.
Something was wrong. Something that was bigger than me. Something that I couldn’t fix.
I had to let go…and if I believed in God…I had to let him take care of it.
So I worked my ass off to figure out this one 4 word s tatement:
“Let go…Let God…”
To be honest, if you don’t believe in God….the 2 word statement “let go” is waaaay harder…because without him, you have to do it alone. At least if you believe in God, you get “auto help” cause God has a team…he has angels, saints, people in heaven, and other people we don’t know about that help him.
And what’s really cool, if you do let go…and if you do let go and give him to God…it’s SOOOOO FREEING!!!! Because then you know someone bigger than you has your back! The big guy will take over…I don’t have to punish or worry. I trust that he will figure this out for me because it’s too big for my wee little brain to handle it.
Course if I’m honest – this letting go took about 15-17 months to get right. AND as soon as I let him go, like REALLY let him go……?
He came home.
AHHHH!!! Of course. Damn it!! Why didn’t I figure this out earlier??
Read, listen, learn…take action to becoming the best person you can possibly be. Then in the end, if he comes back or not, you will end up with an amazing character of strength and personality filled with love and compassion and understanding!!
I’m here if you need me!
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