It is in knowing and accepting that one day we will die that we can truly begin to live.
When we lose our husband to his own destruction or to himself, we turn inward and focus only on him. Becoming crazy women. Women we can’t recognize. Unsteady, unfocused, and unsafe.
It’s such a scary time. Painful too. How could he do this to me? How could he just leave??? And for what? Horseface??? That thing??? (If this is your first time on TheWifeExpert.com, “horseface” is what I call that “other woman.”)
What happened to the girl we were before he came along? Where did we lose ourselves? And how did we get so damn obsessed with him? Knowing he is just going through something ugly in his own head that we can’t fix for him. He must do on his own. Which is difficult to watch and think about…because at the moment, he’s not good at accomplishing much of anything on his own anyway – so SURELY this midlife crisis thingee will take for-friggin-ever!!
So what do we do in the meantime?
Besides everything I’ve listed here on TheWifeExpert.com thus far, there is a secret I’ve been keeping of how I am really able to keep myself in a “reality” check. A reality check your husband is probably silently struggling with too and may NEVER share this with you….even if you corner him and point a gun at his crotch. (Well…actually…maybe he would then?)
The Accidental Death
When I was 18, my best friend was killed in a car accident I should have been in. But I didn’t go. I stayed home to break up with 4-year long boyfriend I had who was suddenly becoming abusive toward me. I would never stand for such abuse and always steadfastly advise every married woman to leave immediately even after 1 time if it’s happening in your marriage.
Thankfully I wasn’t married, but 4 years is a start and now that I was done I had to break it off completely in my home where my parents were nearby. So I didn’t go on the trip I had planned with my best friend who was 1 year older than me and lived right next door to me because I had to end this other mess.
My friend, her name was Vicki, and she was not happy at my choice. She was so devastated that as she was leaving I shouted “goodbye have fun!” to her from my bedroom window and she ignored me. She was mad. She didn’t even look my way.
That was the last time I saw her.
The next day I heard they crashed and while the driver lived, my bestie died instantly.
The details of this happening will be coming at another time, but for now, I remember going to her funeral and not wanting to go in and see her in the casket.
Ugh. I was scared. Terrified. I couldn’t see her. I’d fall apart. It was just too much. So I hung outside the “wake” area where everyone goes to view the body. Then all of a sudden I felt a pull of strength. Suddenly I stood up and walked past the hundreds of people waiting in line to see her, and walked by them all.
I went right up to where the open casket lay and cut. People must’ve realized I was a little “off” because they all moved aside for me. I forced myself to just look! And what I saw….wasn’t her!!!! It was this “thing” this “shell.” My friend. My dear dear long-time sweet friend was gone! In an instant, I felt immediate relief!!! We aren’t part of this world! We are here and then we go! There IS someplace else! In that instant, I felt as if I had just received the whole big answer to life. That we aren’t going to die, we are going someplace else from here. I didn’t know where. I just knew at that moment that my friend Vicki was gone to another place and this cacoon she was in couldn’t go with her. It was the most comforting feeling I have ever had in my entire life.
Here is what I will start with:
What does this mean to you?
That one day you will die and if you recognize this…you will be free to live your life just how you want…with NO fear!?
I love this quote because we are each our own people! Yes, we have this husband that we married, but he is his own person, too. He has his own soul and while he promised you long ago that he was going to be with you forever, something got screwed up inside him. He felt scared that he was missing something or needed something and had to run and find it before it was too late…because – this is HIS life. Not anyone else’s. HIS!
But what we forget is the thought of “what happens when we die?” is this it? If you think so, you will be running creating havoc. If you believe there is more…then you will stay in touch with what you are doing here to help get you to where you believe you are going to go. Make sense?
But when you think about your lost husband…and knowing the above…our choices are so minute:
1) Stress & worry about why he doesn’t love us?
2) Love him and let him be.
If you accept that one day you are going to die…even if things are great with your marriage, you are still going to leave earth alone…and figuring out your own life purpose is where you will find the passion and conviction to your own freedom.
If you focus on YOU and what YOU are here to do…you become THE BEST YOU. That’s the girl your husband married? Where is she? How do we find her?
You. The best you that you were! Remember her?
That girl! We’ve got to get her back!
How? How Do we Get her back?
Start by writing down who you were? Do it now. Ask yourself: Who was I when I met my husband? What was I like? What did I like? What did I do? How did I feel? What was my attitude toward life?
Then take time and work on BECOMING that girl again! It’s not hard…it just takes time and effort.
And if you are still stuck staying, “UGH???!!! How is this fair? I gotta do all this self-exploration crap and writing bull shit and he gets to run free??”
I will respond slowly, “Yes. How lucky are you? It’s not fair…but it’s where your life is right now, and if you want to bring him home to you…this is where you start…bring that lovely young girl that was alive and thriving not so long ago. She’s still in there. Let’s release your soul to the surface!
Speaking of souls…(only read this if you are brave)
If you believe in God and that you have a soul that leaves your body after you die, then keep reading. If you don’t….stop. And click off this page.
For those who feel there is more to life than this one go-around, I have exciting news to share! I found a book you have to read! I LOVE it!! LOVE!! LOVE! LOVE!
Imagine if you knew for sure that you were leaving this place in the next 80-100 years to go someplace else that was better? How would you live today? That’s the question. That’s why I can live the way I live, carefree and excited.
Is a true book about …well…just as the title says. Get this book! Get this book! Oh, but Please DO NOT READ chapter 3!!! Avoid chapter 3!!! There is a bit about marriage and I know it won’t help you. So please avoid chapter 3. HaHaHa! Cut it out of the book!!
Into the Light: Real Life Stories About Angelic Visits, Visions of the Afterlife, and Other Pre-Death Experiences is a book you will love, love, love. I find great comfort in these stories and in the fact that I’m doing good for all of you.
If you follow me…or have learned from me…or have been coached by me…then you are in my thoughts and prayers every day. You are my girls. And I want you to know, while you face so much pain, so many good things are coming to you.
How Can I Help You...Right NOW?!
What to do when they Leave!
How to get them Home!
TWO Group Coaching Classes a month!
AND access to me!
(A MUST for every wife or husband facing a spouse in Midlife Crisisl!)
Help, Advice, Support!
So you feel Strong & Confident
That what you are doing will work!
Your Secret Weapon!
Direct Personal Guidance to help you Navigate the chaos of his Midlife Crisis!
(Wives I coach LOVE this!)