How To Love Yourself First

Love You First 

You can’t love anyone else if you do not know how to love yourself.  Period.

Right after my husband left, many people who heard about the sudden right turn my marriage was facing, reached out to me to say the same thing, “Forget him…you just need to worry about you…love yourself first.”

It was an unbelievable blurry foggy time, but I do remember feeling frustration each time someone (people only trying to help ME) said “Love yourself first” to me as if it was some secret key to unlocking happiness. I guess I didn’t like that people said it to me because it made me feel as if they didn’t know me.   When did I ever not love myself?  Never.

Love Me-Me-Me:

I always loved me. Exactly who I was.  What I brought to the world.  I wasn’t some glowing beauty but I was really comfortable with who I was and what I was about.  So much so that when I heard about someone that didn’t like me, I just shrugged it off, cause I didn’t care.  Thinking to myself, “Obviously they do not know me very well…cause if they did they would indeed like me…”  Sure I wasn’t perfect, but I knew I was kind, honest and a good person.

My blase attitude toward people who didn’t like me upset my husband (at the start of our marriage) who did care what others thought of him and me, “But they don’t like you!  You have to care what people think of you!!”  I’d find his position so bewildering, “Why?  Why do you want me to care what others think of me?  All that matters really is what I think of myself… cause that is the only thing I can control.

So when he was gone, and others were telling me to only think of myself, I found that very poignant.

How Do Parents Teach Us to Love Ourselves?

Not sure if we are born with it…or if it is something that happens and is nurtured into us?  Either way…if you are a parent…keep in mind the words you say to your kids matters.  Do you beat them down?  Do you make them feel special?  Unique?  Different?  That is a GREAT thing!  Kids need to have structure, discpline and know what makes them different because that makes them unique and being unique sets you apart for greatness…whatever greatness they want to bring to the world!

Who wants to be all the same?  Follow the pack and you are the same.  Be different and your life will be different.  People get to the end of their life and wonder if they could have done things differently…would their life be different?  (I love books, because I love hearing what others know about the world, and I listened to this book on tape (cause I’m in the car alot and don’t have time to sit and read) called: The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying – oh my godness.  Oh My GOODNESS!!  What a wake up call – to know what to do today so you don’t regret things later??  GREAT book!!  Get this book!!  HUGE)

Back to You Loving You…don’t wait.  Learn how you tick.  How you work.  What you like.  Love you first.  Like the pre flight video we’ve all seen many times…a lady on a plane putting on an oxygen mask first before you put one on your kid.  Because if you do your kid first and delay doing your mask…you may be a gonner and then who will take care of your kid?  But if you do you first, you will be ready and able to protect, like a superwoman, and won’t let a scratch happen to your kid.

The Biggest Reason to Love You first:

If you love you…then and only then can you love another.  Because if you are constantly questioning your actions or your feelings or your life….when another comes into your life…it’s like “What???  I’m too busy with ME to think about you!”  So if you get the “LOVE ME FIRST” down early….then you are seasoned and it’s a snap to want to love another.

By saying Love yourself first, it’s also a way to steer past thinking if “I meet that perfect partner, then I will be happy, then I will feel complete…”  If you are complete on your own, and another comes along, yeah!  No one will ever make you happy.  No one will ever make you love yourself better.  These are all up to YOU.

If you rely on someone else to fulfill your needs and make you feel whole…sooner or later that person will fail and then you will resent them and then your life will be a mess.

You. You. You.  

Then, if your partner has an affair, gets cancer, needs your support or does anything that makes him/her leave you for a little bit or a longer…or forever (cause he died)…then you will be okay.  Why? Because you know how amazing you are to yourself, your family, your kids if you have them and to the world.


love yourself firstTwo great books to look at and see which one fits you best are 1) Loving Me First: The Journey To Discover Your Inner Self.  

Love yourself transform your life2)  Love Yourself: The Secret Key to Transforming Your Life.



how to love yourself3) The other helpful thing I like are these easy simple CARDS (How To Love Yourself) to remind yourself to love yourself.  They are quick and easy and no nonsense to use as a reminder.  Put them by your bedside or in your bathroom by your toothbrush and pull one out in the AM and in the PM.


She believed she could so she did4) One more I want to share as an option for you…these cards are based on a great quote you must accept.  She believed she could so she did.  (YEAH!!!)

MORE “She Believed She Could So She Did” Items

I bought these all for myself as soon as I discovered them!  Motivation and inspiration are up to YOU and both can come to you all day long – if you place things in the right spot to remind you!!

  1. Necklace: Sterling silver (beautiful) necklace with a heart that looks like it’s holding each other (which is what we do for our husbands)
  2. Grateful Book  – it’s a blank notebook you can use to write all the grateful thoughts you have each day.  I instruct my clients to do 5 in the AM and in the PM.  Grateful people are happier. Wouldn’t you want to be happier?  What are you waiting for?  Start a list today!  This book is my favorite cover because it’s messy looking and that is how our life is…inside is all the space you have to write your grateful notes to make your life how you want.
  3. An Elegant Coffee Cup with a Gold handle that will make you feel good and can go in the microwave.  When he moves back home – this cup will still stay secret – he will never notice this cup.  Italic writing is something men call “girly” and they won’t bother to read it.

REMINDER of How to Find Joy:

Regardless of what your husband is up to right now, you can’t control him.  You can’t control anyone.  The only one you can control is YOU.  What are YOU going to do?  How do you want to live your life today?  Today is yours.  This is YOUR life…make sure you are having fun, laughing and enjoying your kids and your friends and family.  Make calls, plans, take photos and just try to enjoy each little teeny moment. Even when someone spills milk – be grateful you have a home, an a glass, the money to afford milk and a kid in your life to spill the milk.

Get it?  Be grateful for each little thing and you will slowly find joy and happiness.    I know it’s hard in the beginning because it’s ridiculous that HE is not there to be with you and share in the life that is going by fast, but for now, he’s not.  So enjoy and these cards will help motivate you to KEEP moving!!


All of the above lovely products I recommend are on Amazon and approved by me.  Also buying any of them through my links here will give me a comission of like 3 pennies!!  And if you do I am forever grateful!!  But if you can’t get them here – buy them anywhere.  Thank you either way…for reading here and or for trusting me and what I share with you.

And, as always, if you are stuck, and the hubby has left or is driving you crazy and you need help navigating life to get him back…I can help.  I offer price per call or monthly if you want to be able to text me anything (question, problem, help) at any time and get a response within an hour.

Email me at TheWifeExpert @ and in the subject write: Husband

She believed she could so she did journal
she believed she could so she did necklace
Only YOU know what this Really means!
she believed she could so she did gift mug
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