If you know your husband is having an affair….you are probably not too happy about it. Maybe you are angry, mad, and just feeling helpless, Abandoned, unloved, and frustrated.
So first let’s deal with you and these nasty ugly feelings.
Ah-Ha Moment – check!
I want you to know one thing that I have learned through these processes and talking to thousands of women every year, his affair is not your fault. His actions having an affair or not your fault either. Perhaps there was a couple things you missed win helping him with his needs, But after 15, 20 or even 30 years of marriage, we get lazy and forget to do certain things especially when the husband never even tells you he needed certain things.
Then one day he’s out in the world with his lonely or needy thoughts and one person, says one or two nice things to him and he gets a feeling that someone understands him and appreciate him. Maybe this person is a total stranger? Maybe they are a friend of a friend? Maybe they are even your neighbor? Someone you know very well?
Your husband Felt he found a woman or person who could solve his problems, fix his needs and make him feel the love, acceptance and understanding he didn’t even know he was looking for. But he needed it. Right at that very moment.
Last night I was watching Forensic Files, a TV show the fascinates me. How can people kill other people on purpose??? It just doesn’t make sense and it goes against every value we all have as human beings. But it happens. And on one of last nights episode (they’re only 30 minutes and you can bang out four of them in only two hours!) A man and a woman were married and had four kids, the man was controlling and kind of a dick, and after 17 years of marriage he wanted out. He was a very high powered doctor, and began an affair with a beautiful woman who he thought was his angel. He left his wife and the woman turned out to be a serial killer and had killed for other husbands prior to this doctor. Talk about karma! Anyway they were interviewing The Wife, The wife he left, And she actually said the following words, “I guess he just needed a woman in his life who would make him feel good. And say nice things to him about how much she liked him and fed his ego. I didn’t do that.”
BOOM! Needs Met!
Right there. That was what that man needed. He had needs. And those needs are not being met. And the woman he was married to might or might not have known that he needed those. Or maybe she gave them to him in the beginning and then after four kids, just forgot! I did that. And now I don’t. I feed my husband’s ego. I treat him like a king. I make sure I feed all his needs so that he doesn’t have an affair again. I know he won’t have a midlife crisis again. But if I don’t take care of his needs, he’s going to feel unfulfilled and a new affair may happen again. Or he may just get angry and bitter and treat me like crap because his needs are being met and he doesn’t know how to express that to me. Because he’s a man. Men don’t know how to express their feelings like women do.
So heed my warning: if you want your man to never have another affair again, make sure you’re feeding his needs.
Men are really simple. They’re kind of like dogs. They want to be fed they want to be loved, they want to have attention and they want to have their belly scratched a little bit, AND they want to know (out loud) how wonderful YOU, the woman they are with, think they are!
I have left behind spouses tell me all the time, “Ugggh…. Do I have to tell him I like him and I think he’s wonderful??? Really?!?!? I don’t do that!”
Me: “Yes, I know. That’s why you’re having trouble right now. Because he found someone else who can treat him the way he wants to be treated, and to him it’s like surviving on air or no air.”
What to do:
So if your husband is having an affair, And you want him back home and back to you in your relationship or marriage with him, you’re going to have to be different. You’re going to have to do things a different way. And you’re going to have to do them for a long time. To convince him you aren’t going to go back to being the same distant, still, uncaring, or cold woman, (these are descriptions men give of a normal wife after they start having an affair because comparing the two of you that’s how best to describe you! 🤪) you are different, you are trustworthy and you can give him the love and care he needs.
We don’t tell him, “Oh look at me I’m different!”
That won’t work. We just have to become different. And I can help you with that.
Take a look at the below video – if you want need to send a video like this to him I can do that, I have a burner phone and he will never know who sent it to him. If this is something you need feel free to connect to me:
I help spouses bring back lost husbands and lost wives every day!
Why not yours!?!?!?!