The story of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz is so parallel to a midlife crisis husband leaving for another woman affair, that I have used this story repeatedly in other articles. That said, today, a woman sent me the article below…that I found so perfect for comparing the two that I decided to post it here for you!
What I love about it is that is so truthful! So so truthful. I love it!!! Please read…or devour it! And then read it again. I hugged it.
Bottom line? What he is going through is his baby to work through. You can’t help him. Dorothy had to get to the end to know it was all hers to figure out too. Sure she clicked some slippers and went home….but is it that easy?
Get your head out of your ass, realize what you did, what is possible, where you went wrong and do the right things to fix and solve the mess you created. Bingo!
But ego, pride, blame and a whole bunch of bull shit lay in your way. His way. Let him go to figure that out. The more you stand stopping him, the more he will blame you and…rightly so.
Move the fuck over and let him be. That way he can see…if his life is crap with you….and then his list is crap without you…oh…well…maybe it IS his fault?
“Wherever you go…there you are!”
From This article #2. It’s GREAT!!!!
Men in Midlife Crisis Affair Comparable to Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.
When it comes to extramarital affairs or sexual addiction, this statement couldn’t be truer. Dorothy’s life was one of mediocrity. There was little to no color in her life at the homestead, and she felt constrained by hardships and by those who controlled her life. She believed that no one understood her. In frustration, she tried to leave, only to find herself directly in the path of an ominous tornado that sent her helplessly spinning into a strange new land of fantasy. Unlike her old life, this new life was painted with vibrant colors and was full of song. Furthermore, Dorothy was no longer alone. She found a strange troop of friends leading the way: a scarecrow that lacked brains, a tin man missing his heart, and a lion with no courage. This motley crew committed their lives to assisting young Dorothy and her dog, Toto, in her search for the Wizard of Oz. Interestingly, flying monkeys, wicked witches, and deception left Dorothy pining away for the very thing from which she had tried to run—home.
I wonder if the author of the Wizard of Oz might not have been writing about some foolish person trapped in an affair. How often do these indiscretions begin with feelings of mediocrity, or a desire to feel alive and understood–free from the constraints of life’s responsibilities–and no longer alone? The ambivalence generated by life’s circumstances and frustrations results in finding oneself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Catapulted into a strange new fantasyland, the individual is left to wrestle with what to do. Only then do they end up operating with a series of handicaps like Dorothy’s team that had no brain, no heart, and no courage.
What do you decide to do when somebody has lost their brain? If you’ve ever observed someone in an affair, it is apparent they are operating a few cards short of a full deck. They lose the ability to make even the simplest decisions. I have seen successful men and women in extremely influential positions be transformed into inept and incompetent individuals who cannot make a rational decision. They become willing to jeopardize career, family, and future for this momentary pleasure. If the behavior of being “in love” were not socially acceptable, they would be certifiably insane. Instead, they are allowed to stumble through life like the emperor with no clothes. Everyone else can see they have no brain, that reason and common sense are gone, but often they are too polite to say anything.
The loss of heart is also apparent. There is an illusion that if one is in love, they are finally in touch with their heart. In reality, they’ve just lost what little heart they had. The selfish pursuits of personal gratification and self-glorification have nothing to do with heart; rather they are based on self-centeredness. The total lack of consideration of how the betrayer’s actions will impact others is one of the most astounding aspects of an affair. Like the tin man, the person involved in an affair has no heart and no empathy. On the other hand, people with heart are actually able to feel the impact their actions have on those who are connected to them. They care about the pain they are inflicting upon those they love. The total lack of consideration of how the betrayer’s actions will impact others is one of the most astounding aspects of an affair. The path out of this dark morass requires that they acquire a heart, not only to begin to experience awareness of the pain that’s been inflicted, but also to learn how to truly love.
Finally, courage is certainly not a term used to describe those indulging in affairs. In fact, their betrayal seems to rob them of courage. Instead of exercising the necessary courage to acknowledge and own their feelings and actions, they hide behind a veil of secrecy—afraid of discovery and the consequences of their actions. Rather than having the courage to face the reality of the deficits in their marriage or address the issues resulting from their betrayal, they attempt to avoid conflict and hide their feelings and actions. Ironically, it is this lack of courage that keeps them hopelessly trapped in the life they claim to want to escape. The only way they can stay immobilized in this state is by the continued avoidance of life’s realities. Instead, why not be honest and stand up and own what has been done? This simple solution creates immediate change as well as a loss of control. It requires courage to take personal responsibility for their life and actions. Frequently, those lacking the courage to stand up will hide behind the rationalization that they don’t want to hurt their mate, claiming they are acting in their mate’s best interest by keeping secrets. Instead, they are controlling and robbing their mate of the information necessary to take responsibility for their own life, to make informed decisions, and to address the issues in the marriage. It takes courage to be authentic in a marriage, but like the lion of Oz, courage is a trait that is often missing.
Interestingly, this trip to affair fantasyland usually culminates in a longing for home. Like Dorothy, they often realize that, “there’s no place like home.” But how do they return? It would be nice if they could click their heels together and repeat, “There’s no place like home,” but more is required. The journey back is more exciting, and ultimately more rewarding than the fantasyland, but it takes time and effort. It is, however, one’s best hope for growth and happiness. Come back to reality. Rediscover your brain, heart and courage, and you’ll find there truly is no place like home.