What To Do With Alcoholic Husband
Is your husband or wife an alcoholic? Sometimes it’s hard to understand, sympathize or even have compassion for a person with an adiction because as the spouse without the addiction just believes, “…stop…if you want to stop…you can…it’s ruining your life…stop…” Yet your addicted spouse doesn’t see it that way. To them, drinking or drugs are a way of surviving. A way of making it through this world…because without the ‘crutch’ life is too painful.
So if this is the thorn in your marriage, I’m so sorry, it SUCKS, right?? You are second to whatever they ‘love’ first. Therefore…if you want your marriage to survive, knowing everything you can about this disease and what others before you have done, is a great place to start. If you do want out of your marriage, that’s okay too. You have that right if you are with someone that values their drugs or alcohol before you. But do the work before you give it all up. Find out what other people did before you. Find the people that have been there and done that…and have good or bad stories to share with you on what worked and didn’t work.
What does this really mean? Find a bunch of alanon meetings. Not just one. Because the one you go to you may not like or connect with anyone and then you’ll get a bad taste in your mouth and never go back. So make a plan to hit 2 or 3 of them. Then pick the one you like best. And if you don’t like any of them, go back to a few of them again just so you can pick a few people you like from the bunch and start having ‘off-site’ sessions together so that you get the help and support you need without having the pain of going to an Alanon meeting you cringe.
Here’s the deal…nothing is going to happen or change in your life until YOU step up and make it happen. No one is going to come to your door with a rescue blanket. YOU need to make a call, get on the internet, or search out a friend or two to help. Ask for help. It’s hard. But as much as it’s worth it…you can’t make someone change into being something or someone they don’t want to be.
HERE ARE A COUPLE BOOKS I LIKE and down below is a VERY interesting article….
Women with Alcoholic Husbands: Ambivalence and the Trap of Codependency
Here an article I believe is brilliant…something to think about… (http://upliftconnect.com/opposite-addiction-connection)
Asking the question right now:
Do Stronger Human Connections Immunise Us Against Emotional Distress?
Johann Harri, author of Chasing The Scream, has a Ted talk Everything You Know About Addiction Is Wrong, where he concluded:
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. – Johann Harri
These sentiments are augmented by a growing number of experts, including addiction specialist Dr Gabor Maté, who cites ’emotional loss and trauma’ as the core of addiction. Compare this ’emotional loss’ to Johan Harri’s idea about lack of connection and it is clear they’re talking about a similar emotional condition.
If “connection” is the opposite of addiction, then an examination of the neuroscience of human connection is in order. Published in 2000, A General Theory Of Love is a collaboration between three professors of psychiatry at the UofC in San Fran. A General Theory Of Love reveals that humans require social connection for optimal brain development, and that babies cared for in a loving environment are psychological and neurologically ‘immunised’ by love. When things get difficult in adult life, the neural wiring developed from a love-filled childhood leads to increased emotional resilience in adult life. Conversely, those who grow up in an environment where loving care is unstable or absent are less likely to be resilient in the face of emotional distress.
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