Below is a text conversation one of the wives I coach shared with me. This is a great example that I want you to see. It’s between a Husband and a Wife.
A man and a woman. Mars and Venus. Midlife Crisis husband and loving caring trying to love and understand wife. Get it?
The wife below does EVERYTHING I have told her to do. EVERYTHING I teach in my videos and on my 2x’s a month group classes!!! I’m so so proud of her!!
So read this and see if you can see where she gets an A++. My comments are in (here)
He came home after work last night around 3am…after not being at home for 2 nights. (UGH)
He got into bed with me and turned the TV on. He was silent. So I just hugged him because he looked stressed. (okay..but he turned on the TV because a)he didn’t care or b) wanted her to pay attention to him)
I JUST learned about a man’s ‘transition time’ in Keys to the Kingdom (click to get book!), so I just didn’t speak.
After a few mins he spoke. He said that he’s frustrated about work and how he can’t work with Jxxxx, one of his business partners anymore. And he doesn’t like staying at Dxxxx’s (another business partner) place cuz it smells like dog. (of course it does!)
Then he put his arm around me and said, “What happens if we get a divorce??”
I replied in the same tone…”What happens…….?” (BRILLIANT!!! The FBI trick!! Bravo!! You can Learn it at Never Split the Difference!) Another book but you can get it on Audio! Which I like way better, because tone and cadence from the author is everything!!)
He said, “I’ll be okay….” Then he added, “What do you think?”
I replied, “What do you think…?” (Again, any she’s doing great!! And any wife or human, can use this strategy over and over – they teach “why” in the book – and the husband will never know! Do you see how good this wife is doing in tactical strategy of a conversation??? Which is why we go slow and strategize as we talk.)
He said, “I think I’ll be fine.”
I changed the subject and said…”You look stressed.”
He said, “I am, I’m always stressed…” And then, “You stress me out….” (as bad as this sounds, this is GREAT!!!! He’s talking and you just shut up and listen!!!)
I replied nicely… “Oh, I don’t want to stress you out…”
He said, “I know.”
So he sat up and watched TV. I started scratching his back, since I know he used to like having me do that. He didn’t protest or wince at my action. Then he said…”You shouldn’t (try to) like me anymore. I’m not good to you.”
I didnt know how to reply…so I didn’t. I just pretended like I was going back to sleep.
Then she asked me: “SOOO Laurie…what do you think of that interaction?? How you think i should have handled that??”
Which I added above.
As for that last comment where he said,”I’m not good to you…”
I would have kept scratching his back and then stopped and rubbed his back for a few more minutes and said, “Yes. You’re right. Every day you have a choice to be kind to me or not kind to me. I’ve never stopped believing you are a good man and will make good choices for me and our family. Oh I heard the dog, I’ll be right back…(change the subject)”
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