One of my wives sent me this today and I had to share…
It’s brilliant. It’s well written. And it’s TRUE. Because it’s what I have heard from men who have been through this…and have witnessed myself.
I don’t know who the author is (This wife found it on a Facebook group page for betrayed & unfaithful spouses) and in the end it doesn’t really matter. The content is all we look at anyway. Because you too know this is true.
The perfect woman doesn’t exist.
They all have their level of crazy.
Just like we do.
But 10 years after divorce and dating a few women, I’ve figured a few things out about this relationship deal.
Here’s one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned.
We must CHOOSE.
I played small for a long time. I had trust issues so I didn’t trust. I had fear so I kept my distance. I had resentment that I projected.
In the back of my mind I had the idea that one day the perfect woman would just kick down the door and save me. That This bad ass chick would trump all the others and it would just be rainbows and kittens 24/7.
All the while over the years I used the story of HER insecurities, or HER crazy, or HER issues as my excuse to why I couldn’t make a relationship work.
When in reality I simply hadn’t CHOSEN.
Most of all I hadn’t chosen ME.
To work on me and do some dark, scary, humbling work on ME. To see what I didn’t want to see and change what I was too damn stubborn to change.
Fellas you and I could bounce from woman to woman easily. That’s simple, it takes zero effort. We can say she’s got this problem or that problem, and we are probably right. We can move on over and over and at the end of it all that a pretty hollow existence.
Keeping her at a distance.
But the truth is there is only one way we are going to BUILD (not find) love.
And that’s if we CHOOSE.
Choose her and choose to do whatever work necessary to BUILD with her.
CHOOSE to own your shit
CHOOSE to close other doors.
CHOOSE to get off the fence.
CHOOSE to dive into the deep and dark shit.
CHOOSE you man.
More than anything, CHOOSE YOU.
CHOOSE to honor yourself by not playing small.
Look, if you want to be Hugh Hefner and have 47 girlfriends so be it. No judgement at all.
If you truly want to build an empire with a queen, YOU MUST CHOOSE TO BE A KING.
When I quit LOOKING for a Queen and I CHOSE to go all in on me, the little girls disappeared and she showed up.
Yea she tests me. A good woman will.
Yea I still have fears. I suspect I always will.
But from one dude to another I can attest to you that the biggest thing I’ve changed to bring this Queen into my life is ME.
I CHOSE ME.
I CHOSE to quit lying and blaming.
And once I made that choice and did that work, the game changed.
Fellas, CHOOSE YOU.
Surround yourself with other men building REAL relationships. With men who will hold themselves and you to a higher standard.
Much love y’all.
I love this! It’s where we all want our husbands right now….
There are no guarantees…in this messy MLC or in life really….but understanding him…and doing the right things….you have the best shot!
Don’t ever be bitter…just be better.