I don’t want you to get a divorce.
But if a divorce happens, and your husband is not a drug dealer, a drug addict, or an Alcoholic, this horrible phrase, “My wife won’t let me talk to my kids,” situation is going to ruin your world.
Men/dad’s have to be in their kids lives. Moms/wives have to be in their kids lives. Period. If they aren’t, the kids get all screwy. And if your kids are going to be walking the planet and living anywhere around my kids, lets do our best to keep them full of love and kindness. Ripping kids families apart with anger and bitterness does not create harmony.
In the past two days I’ve talked to at least 6 angry women. 3 of which said, “I will not let him talk to my kids!”
“My” kids? Aren’t they “our” kids? I ask her.
“Yes,” she says softening and getting angry again she says, “But he left!”
“Yes…and he made a horrible choice…”
I agree with this woman.
And from there we rise….
Anger and separation leads to chaos to everyone involved. Stay away from anger and keeping your husband from you kids unless he is abusive, drunk or high. (Then file for a restraining order and move.)
Anger does ZERO to help anyone. It just feeds the ego. And ego does not belong in a relationship.
Let me repeat that: Nothing is worse in life, for kids, for spouses, for friends, for co-workers, than an angry woman. So STOP Being angry! Your kids are his kids. And if you share kids, you share love.
This is why getting divorced after you made a bunch of babies is so stupid. You have to be with your kids’ “other parent” forever. FOREVER.
You can marry another human and run to the hills, but the spouse you left or wanted to leave or divorced will be in your life – some how, some way, till the day you die.
It’s kinda like a piece of tag you cut off from new clothes and that tiny little piece of plastic is still in the fabric. You can’t see it, but it’s there, poking you every time you turn or move. That’s what it feels like to hate an Ex. Pricky pain here and there but it never goes away. You never find that damn tag.
So, if that “Prick” will be in your life poking you forever, why not make friends with it??
Instead of that anger or frustration every time you feel that poke, don’t you want to calmly take off the fabric, examine it, love it, soothe it, even rub it over and over kindly, so that sooner or later that piece shows it’s head and you can gently pull it to safety??
Yes! That’s what we do when we stay married. We solve the problem. We take the time to figure out WTF happened. You once loved each other. So much so that you (YOU) chose to MARRY each other. You even chose to get pretty, stand up, and tell the world, “this is my person, till death do we part…even when there is no money and we have a whole bunch of crappy stuff happening. We will figure it out! Together!”
Yes, you did say this!
And if you choose to bail on this hubby or wife to “go find someone better” because “I deserve to be treated better!” Or “I deserve to be happy!” (Yes. Yes. Yes.) wherever you go…there you will be. Meaning if you do not learn your lesson with this first person, you will repeat it over and over with the next, and the next. Till one day you say to yourself, “Maybe it’s not them….maybe it’s ….me???”
Hello. So, given this information. What do we do about it? Stop divorcing. Stop blaming. Start asking yourself, “What can “I” do to change my own life. Be humble. Eat some crow and take ownership of the crap you did. You can do that. You control that!
Then Look inside…
YOU are not perfect. So why do you expect him or her to be perfect if you know you aren’t?
Stop. Let go. Let God. Start taking Control of what you can control.
All that stuff that you know is wrong with you – see it and change it! Like 5 minutes ago!!!
When my husband walked out the door I thought I was perfect. Wait..what? Leave me??? Are you kidding?
Then I quickly learned some things about myself that I had to change…and as much as I stomped my feet and said, “this is who I am world!” I was not perfect. Then when I stepped down from my Ego box, I saw what he saw. “Ooops.”
Now was that the whole reason he left? Of course not…but when someone leaves, it’s a great time to see what you could work on and change! (cause you aren’t getting any younger!) So I changed. Right away. And I’m still changing – I love to change! Cause I’m not perfect. I will never be perfect and I LOVE that I can learn new ways to better myself even single day!
Forever a student. And after I figured all of that…my husband still stayed away! Because he didn’t trust my changes. And well, by that point…I was on such a high from creating a new me and loving who I was that I kept changing and growing and making new friends and finding new fun experiences.
And to this day, I live a great life! Of course he came home and now gets to be part of the great life we just continue together!