The Grass is Not Greener Marriage Advice

“The Grass is NOT greener…”  was a warning wise people gave others.  Today, not so much, as most people are like, “Why bother…? People will just do what they want to do anyway!”

If you have followed me for any length of time you will see that I am a HUGE fan of using hyperboles and antidotes to paint a picture for you to understand WTF is going on in your marriage and that man who was once your loyal loving husband.

My favorite way to do that is by using Gardens, Grass and living plants.  Cause it’s funny and if you don’t live in a jail cell, you see them every day.

Let’s start with the Peter Sellers Movie “Being There”.  He’s a stupid Gardener and he ends up being president.  Hilarious.  It’s about assumptions everyone makes and how others just fill in the blanks when you don’t speak. HILARIOUS.  And there are a lot of “lessons” and tricks in that film that will teach you how to get what you want without trying!

So much to compare a failing marriage to a failing garden:

If you weeded daily, all the yucky stuff, it would grow stronger.
If you gave water and attention to the plants, they would feel loved and grow taller.
If you ignore your garden and let it dry up, it will die.

Today a wife I coach sent me words from Sunday’s mass at her church.  I don’t know what religion she is but I do know the church I go to had a similar topic and it’s all garden!

Here it is!  If you are religious, I hope you find comfort here.  If you are not a God person, I hope you can still find some joy in this…


“When you weed out the darnel you might pull up the wheat with it. Let them both grow ‘til the harvest.”


The parable that Jesus gives us in this Gospel is about the wheat and the darnel, the good and the bad, and the dark and light which is present in our world. It talks about the confusion and messiness of our world.
On the one hand, there is the wheat, which is the presence of God, His grace and those living in accordance with the Gospel.
At the same time living side by side there is “the Enemy”, Satan or evil, which is also at work. It is the darnel of division, disorder and disobedience. That messiness comes out many ways in our lives in moments of anxiety, dryness, boredom or spiritual acedia.

We begin to feel abandoned by God and besieged by temptation or simply that we cannot actually be forgiven or accepted because guilt is heavy.

Many may have a devotion to St Mary Magdalene, as she is a very beautiful companion. She was someone who knew all about messiness but was chosen by the Lord to be the first witness to the Resurrection. She was sent by Him to go to His disciples to instruct them to go to Galilee and she remained trusting and faithful.

Today we put our desire to bring Christ to the people of our time and place so that they may live faithful lives. We also know that they are, like us, surrounded by the darnel of division and opposition, evil. Mary Magdalene in a beautiful way teaches us about perseverance, namely always going in search of God, even when we feel very inadequate. As St Paul tells us when we cannot find words to pray the Spirit will come to us in our weakness. The fact that Mary Magdalene had seven demons cast out of her, would suggest the serious presence of evil and possession. She knew all about the darnel and after being exorcised by Christ she can teach us to use God’s protection in our world.  When the risen Christ appears to her and addresses her by name, He says something which is both strange and must have cut her to the deep. Immediately on seeing Him she wanted to embrace and to hold on, but He said, “Do not hold on to me.”
And without hesitation, she did what he asked and passed on the message to the disciples.

Today, the presence of evil is very real, so much so that many may come to us seemingly well intentioned and smiling but in truth they want to drag us away from Christ. How resolute and persevering our love must be to not fall into darkness and stay in the light.  The walls of division are very present, and they can only be torn down by unconditional love. This will often happen when we appear to be alone and receiving no answer to our prayer, but that it is how it was for St Mary Magdalene and today we see she did everything right because she did one thing: She Believed.

God bless.

Father Alexander



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