“When do you think he will be coming home…like just exactly how long do you think this going to take,” asked one of my dear clients whose husband had been gone almost 6 months.
I tried again to explain to her to take a deep breath and remember to have patience.
Patience is THE only way to get through a midlife crisis that you can’t control. And boy do I know this!
Personally I struggle with patience all the time. In Target when I have to wait in line, waiting for a doctor to pick up the phone or call me back and even when I’m standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for one of my kids to respond to my request to come down and help me bring in groceries.
What happens when no one is moving fast enough for you? For me? I know I get frustrated. So this is something I KNOW have to work on. Constantly. All the time. I’m in no way perfect and have even been known to frustrate others by my impatience.
So I’ve had to learn patience to help others around me less stressed. Like my husband. He’s a chill man. Not me. If I’m “Type A”, he’s like “K-“.
I always feel like time is flying and I have to solve the problem and get it done asap or more will pile up and stress will come.
But if you think about it, it’s not really true. If I don’t get it done or get it done, the only stress that comes is the stress YOU give it. And if you decide there is no stress involved there will be no stress involved.
After He Left
So after my husband left and I learned the art of patience. (And it IS an art. Because it’s abstract and different for everyone and everyone sees patience a different way.
When my husband decided to leave, it was because I asked him to go. Well, I gave him a choice. I said, “I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay…but if you stay, the girl has got to go. If you keep the girl, you have to go.”
Fair choice right?
My hubby thought about it for a while, protested, argued with me, demanded I stop being ridiculous that this was his house too and then…it stopped. He finally decided I was right, he needed to go.
It was then I discovered the worst thing a wife can do with a midlife crisis man is ask him to leave. It’s better for the kids and getting back together when you are under the same roof.
It was after I heard this that I felt horrible. Oye!! I screwed up! (by the way, I screwed up all the time!!) (Everything I teach in my book and video (which are both coming soon!) are things I learned after I screwed it all up. So if you feel you screwed it all up and your chances are over. You are WRONG! Because tomorrow is a new day!!)
I lived every moment of every day wanting my husband back home. Worried to death he’d left and was going to be gone forever.
Then I learned about Patience. The ART of Patience. The POWER of Patience.
Seriously though, it was probably a God Wink that The Power of Patience: happened to fly into my radar! Because never in my life did I EVER google for a book about “patience”?? Ha!
However…the Power of Patience is one of the GREATEST books I’ve read during my husband’s midlife crisis. (That’s why it gets it’s own page!) Because patience is what helped me and it’s going to help you too! It can’t NOT help you.
What to Know:
Besides what you will learn in the book. I want you to know, we ALL have the control the talk that our minds say to us.
Here is what I want YOU to tell your mind. Like I want you to Talk to yourself. Like a crazy bag lady on the street corner pushing her cart. I want you to say the below out loud so it goes out your mouth and your ears hear it.
I accept I can’t change what happened.
I accept my husband is not there for me.
I understand my husband is struggling and dealing with his struggles in a destructive way that has ZERO to do with me.
I believe my husband will come home. Not today…not tomorrow….but one day soon. And I will be patient.
I am not perfect. I have looked at everything I’ve done and am doing and am working continuously to be the best ME I can be.
I do this for myself, for my kids, for anyone who comes into my sphere of reality.
Because I love myself and want others to treat me with kindness ALWAYS. So in return, if I want kindness from others, this is what I give.
I know this is hard not having him home. It sucks. And when it sucks, come read this again and know you are NOT alone! I’m here!!