Understanding His Affair

Ok. So we know the truth: There are cheaters and there are selfish stupid people.Sometimes they are the same.

In MLC, aka a Midlife Crisis, really truly normal good men become cheaters and liars over night.  Boom. Ahhh!  Crisis.


What happened?

Many women/wives state, “I married my husband and KNEW he would never, ever cheat on me…and then he did….I can’t function because I’m so confused at how this happened to me…?”


Below is a truly fascinating insight!  As many of you know I LOVE sharing interesting pieces I find from others who share them with me!  Then I share them with you!  

Below is just a clip from article listed on EmotionalAffair.org 

WOW!!  You can read the whole article but My Favorite part is listed below!

It is truly remarkable how the writer “Sarah P.” wrote this so well and detailed.  I know many of you will enjoy the truth from below – hence the reason I’m sharing it today!

God bless you all!!
I’m here to help if you need me!!

It’s a GREAT article!!

The Psychology of Affairs: Inside the Mind of the Wayward Spouse by Sarah P

I wanted to peek into the minds of wayward spouses and really look at the depth of flawed thinking involved. I have created a male character that I will refer to as “Dick Devious” and he represents an amalgam of several different actual cheating men.

I have also created a character called “Poaching Patty” who acts and says things I have also personally observed. She is also a combination of the different real-life techniques I have witnessed spouse poachers use.

I do not want to single out any one of them because I do not want their identities to be obvious. However, rest assured, every excuse that I will explore are things these people have actually said to justify their infidelity.

Statistics demonstrate that many men who report themselves as “very happily married” still cheat. In order for these men NOT to think of themselves as total soulless jerks, they must create very elaborate lies that they tell themselves in order to carry on with an affair. Worse, these men repeat these lies so often that they come to believe them as fact.

They must place the blame externally and almost always, they place the blame on their wives. The kinds of things that they come up with to carry on with an affair are preposterous. Meanwhile, their innocent wives are none the wiser.

The female poachers also have to create a set of lies about the wife. After they create them, they make sure to share these lies with their lover until their lover is convinced of what his mistress says.

When these affairs come out – and they always do – to say the wife is blindsided is an understatement.

The Story of Dick Devious, Supportive Samantha, and Poaching Patty

Dick Devious is a middle-aged man and with the untiring support of his wife, Samantha, he has become quite a success. They have several children and supportive Samantha pulls her weight both as a professional and a mom. She finds the time to be a good wife and mom and still pursue a career, all the while putting hot meals on the table at night. She hosts dinner parties for Dick and ensures he looks good and is the star of the show.

The issue is, Dick Devious has been promoted and he now has his very own secretary, a 27-year-old (Poaching Patty) with no degree who has floated around from one temporary job to the next. Poaching Patty has no marketable skills (professionally speaking) since she decided to party throughout her 20’s instead of attending college.

The one thing poaching Patty has going for her is her physical appearance. In high school, she was a cheerleader and very popular. Because of all of the attention she received in high school, she believes that she deserves such attention for the rest of her life. The world owes her because she is so very beautiful and special—at least according to her Instagram followers.

A long time ago, Poaching Patty learned how to put on a big smile and flirt because that was all part of being head cheerleader and homecoming queen. She learned how to manipulate everyone, especially the boys and men around her to get whatever she desired.

Poaching Patty has noticed Dick Devious’ nice car, the photos in his office of his nice home and exotic vacations, and the photos of his teenage children and his wife. Poaching Patty wants that life for herself, but she doesn’t want to spend years of honest, hard work to get there.

Manipulating men through sexuality (or promise of it) is her normal mode of operation. Even though she is not physically attracted to Dick Devious, she is very much attracted to the lifestyle he could offer her. She knows how to fake adoration and to string a man along for quite awhile without having to consummate the physical act. The physical act is reserved solely for the times when she needs to play hardball.

Poaching Patty has identified her target…!!

Her first move is to ask Dick all kinds of questions about her work and hang on his every word. She laughs at all of his jokes. She makes excuses to sit on his desk, while wearing a skirt, and making light conversation. Poaching Patty will do or say the following:

  1. Look enraptured even when Dick talks about how carefully and meticulously he vacuums the floor mats of his car.
  2. Twirl her $500 hair extensions and bat her $200 false eyelashes (because unlike people with families, she doesn’t have normal expenses).
  3. Say: “Since we work together, I understand you in a way no one else can.”
  4. Wear clothes hardly appropriate for work and will bend over to give peeks down her blouse.
  5. Say: “You are so smart…I could listen to you for hours….OMG, Dick, you are just so interesting!”
  6. Or, “Are you eating that frozen dinner again? Oh poor baby, someone doesn’t know how to take care of her man…”
  7. Or, “I have so much trouble changing those light bulbs in my ceilings. I am really missing a pair of strong arms like yours.”
  8. Show Dick her Instagram account where she poses on the beach in her thing bikini while pointing out the tattoo on her lower back.
  9. Do whatever Dick asks of her (filing, errands, coffee, phone messages) so that when his wife wonders about the secretary, Dick can legitimately say the secretary does her job well.

    I have encountered the last one a couple of times from particularly smart poachers. They will selectively do their job correctly if there is something more in it for them. But, if it is a legitimate job (without someone to poach or without easy money) this same person will be on her phone all day. I have witnessed it myself.

So, how does Poaching Patty’s behavior affect Dick Devious?

Obviously, all of a sudden, Dick feels young again and there is a spring in his step. He now looks forward to his mundane job and Patty’s smiling face and gregarious laugh. If Poaching Patty decides to concentrate solely on Dick, it is a ticking time bomb. Dick might say the following things to fool himself:

a) “Poaching Patty does her job well.”
b) “I can be Poaching Patty’s mentor because it’s a hard, cold world out there and she needs someone experienced to guide her.”
c) “It doesn’t hurt if I flirt with eye candy…what my wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
d) “Buying her a gift here and there won’t hurt. It would be wrong not to get her a diamond tennis bracelet for her birthday because she works so hard.”
e) “Patty deserves two dozen roses, a $300 Nordstrom gift certificate, and lunch at a 5-star restaurant for secretary’s day. I have to make sure a good employee feels appreciated. After all, good employees are hard to find.”
f) “I am a generous person and buy gifts for everyone. Good people give their employees gifts all the time. I am a good guy.”
g) “Gosh, maybe I should find out what kind of men she likes so I can set her up on a date. Yes, I can take her to dinner and discuss this matter because I am a good mentor.”

Are any of you sick to your stomach yet? I sure am because I have witnessed people making such excuses. When you read what Poaching Patty does and says and what Dick Devious does and says, it becomes clear that an affair will begin.It is just a matter of when.

Patty has determined her target and her target is responding with expensive gifts. This only serves to reinforce in Patty’s mind that taking Dick away from his family is the right thing to do for her because he will provide her with an easy lifestyle. She believes she can marry him and never work again. Days will be filled with manicures, more hair extensions, sunbathing, and shopping trips. Then, Poaching Patty’s problems will be solved.

Oh, did I happen to hear you wondering about the wife?

Well, Poaching Patty could care less about the wife. The wife is a mere obstacle that needs to be removed. The wife is inconvenient and must be dispatched at all costs. After all, the wife is “ruining” Patty’s life just by being the wife in the first place!


Do You SEE?  You are at battle against EVIL.  Evil that is attempting to destroy the family that God put together.  God is glue.  When you believe…well…the wives who do believe in God find their footing and stay straight stronger.  If you don’t believe in God and you are in this hell right now – I hope you do see that “something” is at play here.  

When I went through it – I didn’t have a poacher like Patty but she did flat out tell me, “He loves me now, he tells me he’s chosen me.”  


If you have daughters – PLEASE share this with them.  If you have nieces and aunts and any females in your life…share this with them:

If he’s married or “separated” or “has wife issues” leave him alone.  You can’t save him.  Let him be so that he can stay with his family and build the walls of his home so strong…that his family crushes Evil.

As always, if you need help or guidance with your husband click on this link….if you want to talk….click here…and if you want to jump on a texting service with me….click here.

Oh and if you are dating again – that’s coming soon!  Hahaha….if you want a great relationship…I’ll get you there!




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