The worry. I hate that thought. I had it dozens, hundreds, thousands of times. All day…all night…it left me dizzy and sick with unbearable dread. Just the mere thought of this being a reality becomes a constant cloud of doom. And the constant yucky moldy cloudy worry grows into fear and the fear takes over any option you have for living your life or becoming a better person.
So I say, “Stay straight…focus on you and your future with your life and if you have them, your kids.”
And you say, “HOW?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!!? I can’t think of anything else but HIM!!!”
It’s so frigging hard, the mind hurts the moment you wake up and remember what happened is NOT a dream.
Your only saving grace? Stay Straight: ———–unconditional love—-compassion—–understanding—-honesty—-forgiveness—–kindness—-…
If you are new to TheWifeExpert.com, the “straight line” is a path that you go on when your hubby is “lost” from your life/marriage doing the squiggle dance beside your straight line. You walk beside him. You go straight. He squiggles. In circles and crazy waves. Unsure of what he wants and where he is going. You are separate. He sinks, you go straight. He spins like a Mac truck stuck in cosmo gear, you go straight. He grows two heads, you go straight. Get it? Nothing he does stops you. You go straight. Period.
The point here is that if your husband is not home or lost in an affair or just feeling like YOU are to blame for everything wrong in his life, you calmly just agree with him and just keep going straight.
THE hardest thing about staying straight is the teeny tiny feeling that all this work you are doing, if he doesn’t come back, well…you’ll have done all of it for nothing?!?!?! You know that feeling…? I myself had that feeling. And I hear it from the wives I talk to at least 2 times a day, “What if I do all this work on myself and everything you suggest and it still doesn’t work…he still never, ever comes home?”
This thought threw me off my straight line more than any other thought. WHAT THEN?!? How do I know for sure? Where is the sign or hope that I can sink my teeth in to know for sure? How do I know I’m doing it and it will work?
We don’t know.
So how do we deal with not knowing? We make a decision. A choice. I believe you have two choices each day. Believe he IS coming home. Or worry he is not. You do not know. You will never know. However, if I told you today he is coming home November 13, 2021, what would you do or say? How would you act NOW?
Studies say when you know an outcome…you confidently continue on without worry or fear. If you knew you were going to win 22 million at the next lottery, you’d buy that new mercedes today without a single worry of how you’d pay for it, right? Same thing with the hubby.
You worry he won’t come home…ever…and you will behave like he is not…or worry so much you could actually make yourself sick (and worry gives you more wrinkles – just saying) (that one made me start to meditate to breathe my calm back) Now…on the other side, if you believe he IS indeed coming home…and you will live like he is coming home. Relaxed, calm, no fear.
Today a Call
Today during a call, a wife, who, like you, has been through a lost husband and expressed frustration, “I’m doing all of this and he’s 30 miles away with zero thought of me…or my kids…why even bother, he’s never coming home.”
If you’ve worked with me already, you know my staple answer to hopeless statements like that won’t be a word but a noise, “Hmmm…..”
So I’m going to ask you, now, you, the reader, what would you tell her? How would YOU answer this to her?
Perhaps you would share with her that these pop-up affairs last only as long as the humans involved stay “perfect” and we married women know how hard that is to do. Perhaps you would tell her that the work she does on herself to make her into a new and better version of her old self is one she will be proud of. Perhaps you would also show her that all of the suffering she is going through right now is only for her and that as she gets to the other side there will be other opportunities she didn’t know were coming.
But the biggest thing you would share with this wonderful woman who is seeking to keep her family together, as almost all of us have been, is to remind her that her destiny is only what she decides it will be.
Meaning if she believes he is coming home…not today…or tomorrow…but in a year or two or three….and believes this 100%, she will indeed act upon it and upon her actions will grow reality…