When Does a Midlife Crisis End?
I’m sure if you are asking, you are watching a man you love fall away from you. Suddenly this guy who was once so loving and caring is now confused, angry, lost, depressed, distant and possibly having an affair… and you are looking for answers to help him get out of this mess?
Yep – there is good news and bad news.
The good news? He will get out of his midlife crisis if you handle his anger and what he wants, or what he doesn’t know
The bad news? It may take
The positive news about the bad news (there is ALWAYS a positive when you deal with me!) is that this “taking a long time” thing means he is going through a massive identity change. He is much like an ugly caterpillar (you want to squish in your garden) ready to change into a butterfly or a beast (that’s my terms). Then unless you step on this caterpillar or suffocate it locked in a jar for 4 weeks without food, water or air – your husband (aka low-to-the-earth-creepy-caterpillar) is going to come out through this time being a different person. Maybe. It all depends on the person – their childhood, the crisis and WHAT THEIR SPOUSE DOES. How the person they live with reacts makes a big difference in the outcome.
Your Anger & Frustration:
If your reactions are of anger and frustration – you could be throwing nails on the coffin of your marriage – meaning your attitude could drive your spouse away, far far away.
If on the other hand, you react with kindness and understanding – in a way that your husband begins to see that you are on his side/his team, he will feel understood by you and, well, the crisis may end earlier…or it may go up and down for years. It all depends on your husband.
The bottom line? You can’t change what the person in crisis must go through to get to the other side. It’s good for them – they are growing and learning more about themselves. It’s bad for you because you have to watch without offering help and in many ways, you feel left out, watching him go through the highs and lows alone…or not alone but not with you.
Unfortunately, the current spouse is so horribly threatened by this new weird experience happening to their spouse, that they react in negative emotional ways. The point is NOT to do that. If you have a spouse going through this you MUST act a certain way to keep the person in crisis knowing you are on their team. If they feel you are trying to stop them from getting their way or trying this “new” life, they will pull away, leave or run faster.
I know. It sucks. I’ve been through it and I have cried as much or even more than you. I have witnessed what happens to husbands and kids and wives…and I’ve watched situations sour when they could have gone in a positive way with a whole family unit intact.
If I had one wish in my life come true it would be that divorces would end, people would keep their faith and promises and families would stay whole and happy.
My part to do this…working with spouses to get their beloved OUT of a midlife crisis and back home to their family.
Men and women can both go through midlife crisis if they have the perfect storm, which – from my research is when a personal disaster (job loss, close family member terminal or a death of a friend/coworker) happens between the ages of 35–60 and they “crack” from stress and life-worry and loss.
Our minds are a wonderful dangerous control panel in our bodies. They are our world…controling everything we do, say, think and feel. They will talk to us about our biggest fears and our brightest moments. They will show us the scary stuff and the stuff we may tell it is too impossible.
So instead of listening to your mind….I’m asking you to TELL IT what to do. Stop listening to it…start talking to it.
Keep your mind straight and tell it to “shut up” you are getting your husband home!
So when does a midlife crisis end? I don’t know. When your husband says it does. So in the meantime…don’t just sit there and be sad. Do everything I’m going to share with you. Because now, it’s all about you and your babies.
Thank you for joining me on your journey.
I hope my website makes life a little easier and a little more fun along the way.