Abused Wife Caroline Leaves Her Husband After 13 Years of Physical Harm

I laid in bed pretending to be asleep…waiting…

When I heard his car drive away, I jumped out of bed into action! I was terrified. Surely he would come back and catch me, and stop me and hurt me.

Yet some force kept moving forward. I was ready. I was prepared for this moment and nothing was going to stop me.

Reaching into drawers where I separated items on opposite sides: what I take, what stays, I grabbed the “take” piles and threw them into trash bags as fast as possible.  

I ran through the house, drawer after drawer, cabinet after cabinet, closet after closet.

I had been packing little things into my station wagon, keep them low in the back so no one would see. I packed boxes in my closet and garage so no one would notice. 

My 4 children, all girls, were clueless of my plans. My baby was 18 months and my other daughter home with me that day was four. They didn’t question me as I loaded them into the car and sped to the school to grab the other two.

At the school I shared nothing of my true plans and calmly told the office secretary I was pulling my girls out for the day.

They collected my children who met me in the office and I walked to them to the car and loaded them in with their two siblings.

This is when the questions started and I knew I had to get out of the state before I was going to be able to breathe let alone share any twisted truth to calm them.

I was on auto pilot. Acting positively and shaking in my shoes at the same time. I honestly felt that my plan would be destroyed because somewhere in a car behind. me my husband was after me.

Instead I ignored my mind and kept focused.

When we crossed the state border, I felt lighter.  It was done. I was out and gone and now my focus would be on raising my girls alone. I drove 3 days straight to my mom’s house in California. My girls and I lived with her for the next 10 years.

It was hard. My girls wanted their dad and I knew I could never bash him or be negative or it would hurt them.  And it worked Laurie. You see them today. They are happy, good, kind people.

About him? He did want to get back together with me and I said no. I can’t risk being a punching bag again. And I’m glad I said no as he went on to marry 3 more times. None worked out and today he has passed.

I still speak kindly of him. He was a good man, very very good looking. He just had demons inside of him that he could not get rid of or calm. 

I never had to tell my daughters what he was like because on their own, They did connect back to their dad later. And they were able to see who he really was. And why I left. They did their own work and research and in the end, they see the truth. The truth is what sets us free.

Today, you can see! They are all in their 50’s and are parents with children who are having their own grandchildren now! And they are happy.  And they love each other!

The four of them are great friends. 2 of my daughters are inseparable.

Back when we first got to my mom’s house, my dad had left her when I was a child, then soon died after, my girls wanted to go home. But I kept them very very busy and soon, they adjust to our new setting.

The girls would have “meetings” about me though. How they could get me to go back or what to do in the house to make things work for them.  It was funny. And they were a good team.

When I started to work, and take classes to help me be a better person, I wasn’t home often and the girls and I would come up with plans of how they would make dinner.  And they did!  It was fun and funny and we had some wonderful memories as they attempted to cook certain meals that were a disaster! I think that’s why things worked out. Because we stayed focused on things we could control right in front of us.

I did good right?”

—-

This was the highlight of my 30 minute chat with an 84 year old woman I met at a rehearsal dinner.  Caroline shared her story of happened when she was married and left her husband when she was around 28 years old.

She is a hero. Sweet and kind when I spoke to her. It was her 4 beautiful daughters that read a funny tear jerking poem they wrote to the groom (my neighbors son) that made me was to seek her out and discover more of the woman who was the source of creating these incredible, funny, unique women!

Who was their mom?!

The sisters were connected. You can see this just by looking at them. Caroline did something right raising these girls!

She left her abusive husband, which must have been horrific, and yet she still did something good to create this rare special bond of love between sisters/women.

You know me: I believe in marriage. I believe in hope.

Yet when a man, in midlife crisis, cheating, or betraying a wife physically harms a woman or his children, it’s done. It’s over. You must leave.

You cannot change him or make him see the pain he is causing you could your death.

I had so many questions: What did you say to the girls when they asked why they were leaving?

Caroline stared straight ahead, “Good question…I don’t know…”

I asked more questions. I was not moving or looking away at others in the room. I focused on hearing only her voice and her story.

And when a little kid came up to talk to her and hug her, I didn’t budge. This woman had secrets. And at 84 she didn’t have much time to share her wisdom and I recognize this.

Maybe things in her life that had happened that she shared with no one.  Yet. And I wanted to hear all of it for knowledge only to share with my wife students looking to repair their marriage, bring their husband home or grow to be a better person.

Later in the evening, I shared with her youngest daughter bits of my conversation with her mom and this younger woman said, “That’s not what happened though…”

I didn’t tell her she was wrong, instead I was kind, “Yes….you know your mom is 84 now. What she kept close and guarded and quiet may be ready to come out. I believed every tiny detail she gave me. Maybe it’s time to get you sisters together and sit down with your mom like she is a stranger and interview her to get her story. Her truth. So you know and grow and love and understand.”

The woman stared at me and it was so obvious what I said resonated with her.

I spoke again, “Don’t wait. Do not wait to talk to her and hear her full story.  Your mom is an incredible woman and she saved you from a very difficult life of trauma. love her. Respect her. And give her a chance to share her story in full.”

Usually during interviews I ask people what they regret. And I didn’t have time because Caroline flat out told me and said, “The only thing I regret is not going to church earlier.  I would have liked to have found a man and partner and church would have helped me do that.”

I reminded that it is never too late to find a partner!  That there are still men out there that would love someone like her and she laughed and asked me if she and I could stay in touch.

YES!

Do you see how you, right now, can help others, even if you are in pain. Be a team player.  Be the light and lighthouse for others!

If you need my guidance on anything! On any question or issue? Reach out to me! We humans complicate life and there is an easier path to goodness. I’m only a phone call away or an email: thewifeexpert@gmail.com

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