When He Triggers Me I Hate Him

Here is what I received earlier today and I thought I’d write about it.

For many of you, you know I do texting with many wives and husbands who are looking for help and support through texting.  And if you need help and support, click to read more to see if this can help you?

So Yes. “The Trigger” of Midlife Crisis lingers in many wives where the husband has returned. It can happen as quick as seeing a photo, or the name of horse face (keep reading if you don’t know what that is) (it’s code to my thousands of followers) or a noise or a sound or anything…and I mean anything!

Two days ago a name popped up on a phone that I saw and it was the name of my horse face.  It was not her, but it didn’t matter.  Any time I hear or see that name, I remember her.  For now.  It’s been over 10 years and it still brings my breathe to stop and my stomach to roll over.

Does “he” ever get that pain or understand it?  Nope. He’s way past the mess he created. In fact he can’t remember most of it, probably because it was so tough, he pushed it out of his mind. Although, I haven’t.  I have details of what happened and what was said and how it was said (book is coming…) And when that “trigger” happens, it is my personal trigger. And it’s mine to deal with.

To be honest, I can look back at an old photo of my horse face, and BOOM, I can be 10 years back instantly. Do I still peek to see if she is out there? Sometimes, when someone asks…I wonder…hmmmm…  And then, I will check. Even me. After her involvement, and the mess created, she literally pulled herself off of every social media. And hasn’t come back. But when I do check…I’m curious about my own self.

Why?  Why check??  Maybe the devil is poking me??? Pushing me into the past to cause pain??  I don’t like pain like that and can keep it at bay, plus the threat is gone and I have 0 to worry about. But when I check I’m almost embarrassed at my weirdness.  Haha… Maybe I check because I’m human?  Curious?  (I was born asking questions!)  Maybe I’m wondering if her life turned out okay after being a part of my hell? I don’t know…all I know is that in 15 seconds, if I see nothing, I’m off the idea!

But if I get triggered??  My way out? My husband is home with me. And he’s not going anywhere. He loves me and it’s clear.  But it’s not about him anymore for me.  It’s about me…and my love for me.  Because if I don’t love me, I can’t love him, or anyone.

That’s what you need to think about. The future of what is coming. Not what has happened. But what you do for you and about you. Right now.

Life is a big, massive, wonderful, ugly and horrid journey, and there is ups and downs and choices that come to us that are both good and bad. And at the end of the day, even if we choose bad, we can still reflect back and realize we get to wake up every single day and we alone get to decide what type of day we are going to have and who we are going to be!

So I ask you…who are you and what are you going to be and do today?

Be an angel…or smell like one!

Or Have Grace….