He Left For Another Woman And Then Came Home: Inez and Carlos

Inez was a sweet older lady. Married for 37 years, Inez watched as he left out the back door without even saying good-bye. She knew her husband was heading straight to the other woman’s home. Did he love her? Did he really want to leave his family and his wife?  

Inez and her husband Carlos loved each other. “Love you to the moon and back!” was a thing they would say to each other about the love they had, unaware that the moon was turning and someone was headed into the darkness.

Inez was a realtor and Carlos was a professor. Together they had 3 children and 5 homes: 1 main house, 1 summer home, and three rentals. One to give each of their children when they were old enough, or when they both passed away as inheritance.

Then as the kids all hit the late teen years, along came Horsefaceᴵᴾ. She is nameless on here and nameless to anyone that would consider being involved with a married man, but she stole the heart of Carlos. Maybe because he was bored, or feeling old or forgotten, but Horsefaceᴵᴾ flirted with Carlos and Carlos fell hard. This is one of the most heartbreaking signs of a midlife crisis in a husband. Something inside him, perhaps that feeling of being young, a feeling that had died, was now bubbling alive and thriving whenever Horsefaceᴵᴾ was near. He loved how he felt when he saw her and he had to have more of it.

Carlos had fallen for The Green Grass Deceptionᴵᴾ. The oldest lie in the book.

Soon he was disappearing at night and then one day, he packed up his bag and told Inez he was leaving their home to go live with Horsefaceᴵᴾ. He told Inez that he still loved her but he had to be with this woman because she was who he was supposed to be with. He told his kids he is not leaving the family, he is just going to be with a new woman.

That man who packed his bags and walked out? That was Nhojᴵᴾ. The real Carlos was still in there.

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The Aftermath:

Everyone was shocked. Dumbfounded. How does this happen? Does he realize what he is giving up? Carlos was a good Catholic man. He was a family man. He was a man other men looked up to as their mentor of what a family man looks like.

Inez, also a Catholic woman, cried and prayed and cried and cried. She visited the priest at her parish so often she was sure they would kick her out. She knew so many people were hurting in this world and in a small way felt silly and selfish that she was asking for help with one man. But that didn’t stop her from praying for her own family.

How did this happen she wondered? Did I not love him enough? Did I not offer him enough sex? Was I lazy in our relationship? She racked her brain over and over, with repeated thoughts of what she did wrong or what she could have done differently.

Turns out it was none of these. This is the truth that every wife dealing with husband emotional withdrawal needs to hear. After losing her self-confidence and hiding in a hole for over a year, Inez admits she began to regain pieces of herself that she lost. It made her realize: Carlos and his affair had very little to do with her. Was she a perfect wife? “Hardly…” she modestly laughs today. But she was strong and she was determined that somehow, someway, her husband would come home and she would keep her family together.

That woman choosing grace over bitterness? That is your WiseWifeᴵᴾ in action.

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The Time Lost:

Carlos was gone three long years with Horsefaceᴵᴾ. During that time, Inez found her footing, got a job, went back to work, started socializing without her husband and just got on with her life. Without even knowing it, Inez was climbing The MLC Mountainᴵᴾ one quiet brave step at a time. While Carlos was lost, Inez was quietly building her YOUvilleᴵᴾ.

This is emotional healing for wives after separation at its most real and most raw.

Over those three years, Carlos lost his long time job and then a few more jobs went by the wayside before their homes all went into default and foreclosure and even Inez had to move out of their dream home and into a rental.

I asked her, “Was it hard to leave your home?”

Her eyes welled up with tears. Yes. “Pretty shitty” were the words the 60 something year old Inez used.

But she never lost her will to find happiness in her family and friends that stood by her. She kept her chin up and knew deep in her heart that God had a plan, He would help her forgive and all would work out the way He intended.

Then after three long years of being apart, Carlos slowly began to reach out to Inez. Keeping Inez on the phone a little longer, talking a little longer. He even spent a little more time talking to her when he stopped by to pick up something from her new home. And then, little by little, Inez opened her door to him.

She had become his Island of Safetyᴵᴾ without even trying.

“Every time he showed up on my door,
I had two choices…
a) tell him to go F**! himself
or
b) welcome him in for a soda…”

The vengeful part of her wanted to kick him in the ass and slam the door, but they shared so many memories and time together, the compassion in her led her to invite him in for a drink. Inez was doing something powerful without even realizing it. She was Being the Dogᴵᴾ.

Because, as she says, “I can forgive. That’s what Jesus would have done.” And she added, “But I did it with a smile!!”

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Forgiveness:

She shared that they began getting together more and more. They ate dinner together. They watched movies. They laughed. They were old friends reconnecting. And during this time Inez, still angry at the past, did her best to try and treat him like Jesus would have treated him saying, “Life is short, if I stay angry with him and never forgive him, the only one I am hurting is myself.”

This is rebuilding trust after betrayal at its most beautiful. This is proof that a marriage can survive infidelity when one woman refuses to give up on her family.

Inez and Carlos very soon connected anew and turned their marriage back to being stronger than ever! Where did Horsefaceᴵᴾ go after she convinced Carlos to leave his family? Inez doesn’t know and never asked saying, “It doesn’t matter, I have my husband back. She is nothing to me.”

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“A Good Marriage is Built with Patience,
sewn together by grace,
laced with kindness and surrounded by faith.”