How To Love Yourself First: The Secret To Getting Him Back And Getting Your Life Back Too

Why can’t love anyone else if you do not know how to love yourself?

Right after my husband left, many people who heard about the sudden right turn my marriage was facing reached out to me to say the same thing. “Forget him…you just need to worry about you…love yourself first.”

Like so many wives navigating a midlife crisis, I was blindsided and lost. It was an unbelievable blurry foggy time, but I do remember feeling frustration each time someone said “Love yourself first” to me as if it was some secret key to unlocking happiness.

I guess I didn’t like that people said it to me because it made me feel as if they didn’t know me. When did I ever not love myself? Never.

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Love Me, Me, Me:

I always loved me. Exactly who I was. What I brought to the world. I wasn’t some glowing beauty but I was really comfortable with who I was and what I was about. So much so that when I heard about someone that didn’t like me, I just shrugged it off, because I didn’t care. Thinking to myself, “Obviously they do not know me very well…because if they did they would indeed like me…” Sure I wasn’t perfect, but I knew I was kind, honest and a good person.

My blasé attitude toward people who didn’t like me upset my husband at the start of our marriage. He did care what others thought of him and me. “But they don’t like you! You have to care what people think of you!!”

I’d find his position so bewildering. “Why? Why do you want me to care what others think of me? All that matters really is what I think of myself, because that is the only thing I can control.”

So when he was gone, and others were telling me to only think of myself, I found that very poignant.

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How Do Parents Teach Us To Love Ourselves?

Not sure if we are born with it, or if it is something that happens and is nurtured into us. Either way, if you are a parent, keep in mind the words you say to your kids matter. Do you beat them down? Do you make them feel special? Unique? Different? That is a GREAT thing! Kids need to have structure, discipline and know what makes them different because that makes them unique and being unique sets you apart for greatness. Whatever greatness they want to bring to the world!

Who wants to be all the same? Follow the pack and you are the same. Be different and your life will be different. People get to the end of their life and wonder if they could have done things differently. Would their life be different?

I love books because I love hearing what others know about the world. I listened to this book on tape because I am in the car a lot and don’t have time to sit and read. It is called The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. Oh my goodness. OH MY GOODNESS!! What a wake up call, to know what to do today so you don’t regret things later. GREAT book!! Get this book!! HUGE!!

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Back To You Loving You:

Don’t wait. Learn how you tick. How you work. What you like. Love you first.

Get back to That Ole’ Girlᴵᴾ. She never left. She is waiting for you.

Like the pre flight video we have all seen many times, a lady on a plane putting on an oxygen mask first before she puts one on her kid. Because if you do your kid first and delay doing your own mask, you may be a goner and then who will take care of your kid? But if you do you first, you will be ready and able to protect like a superwoman and won’t let a scratch happen to your kid.

This is exactly what I mean when I talk about building your YOUvilleᴵᴾ. It starts here. With you.

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The Biggest Reason To Love You First:

If you love you, then and only then can you love another. Because if you are constantly questioning your actions or your feelings or your life, when another comes into your life it is like “What??? I am too busy with ME to think about you!” So if you get the LOVE ME FIRST down early, then you are seasoned and it is a snap to want to love another.

By saying love yourself first, it is also a way to steer past thinking “If I meet that perfect partner, then I will be happy, then I will feel complete.” If you are complete on your own and another comes along, yes!!! No one will ever make you happy. No one will ever make you love yourself better. These are all up to YOU.

If you rely on someone else to fulfill your needs and make you feel whole, sooner or later that person will fail and then you will resent them and then your life will be a mess.

You. You. You.

When you love yourself first, you become your own Island of Safetyᴵᴾ. No one can take that from you.

Then, if your partner has an affair, goes through a midlife crisis, gets cancer, needs your support or does anything that makes him leave you for a little bit or a long while or forever, you will be okay. Why? Because you know how amazing you are to yourself, your family, your kids if you have them and to the world.

That is emotional resilience for wives at its most powerful. That is surviving infidelity and healing after betrayal from a place of strength, not desperation.

Surround yourself with your Super Circleᴵᴾ. The right books, the right people, the right energy.

Laurie Recommends:

Two great books to look at and see which one fits you best:

1) Loving Me First: The Journey To Discover Your Inner Self: A beautiful place to start your personal growth after betrayal journey.

2)  Love Yourself: The Secret Key to Transforming Your Life. Simple, powerful and straight to the point.

3) How To Love Yourself These easy, simple cards are quick and no nonsense. Put them by your bedside or in your bathroom by your toothbrush and pull one out in the morning and at night. A tiny daily reminder that goes a long way.

4) She believed she could so she did.  (YEAH!!!) These cards are based on one of my favorite quotes and a truth you must accept. She believed she could so she did. YES!!!

More “She Believed She Could So She Did” Items:

I bought these all for myself as soon as I discovered them!  Motivation and inspiration are up to YOU and both can come to you all day long – if you place things in the right spot to remind you!!

Sterling silver (beautiful) necklace: (A beautiful necklace with a heart that looks like it is holding itself together, which is exactly what we do for our husbands and our families.

My Grateful Book  –  By me!  A wonderful workbook that is all about Gratitude and love and life and this MESS of MLC.  It’s for you to save for the rest of your life because one day you’ll forget. Yes. You will! Even tragic. You will forget. So get the book and be glad you kept track of all of these details!  At the back are blank pages for you to fill in good thoughts!
Did you know Grateful people are happier?? Wouldn’t you want to be happier?  What are you waiting for?  Start a list today!  This book is my favorite cover because it’s messy looking and that is how our life is…inside is all the space you have to write your grateful notes to make your life how you want.

Elegant Gold Handle Coffee Cup:  This beautiful cup will make you feel good every single morning and it is microwave safe. When he moves back home this cup will stay your little secret. He will never notice it. Italic writing is something men call girly and they won’t bother to read it.

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A Reminder of How To Find Joy:

Regardless of what your husband is up to right now, you can’t control him. You can’t control anyone. The only one you can control is YOU. What are YOU going to do? How do you want to live your life today? Today is yours. This is YOUR life. Make sure you are having fun, laughing and enjoying your kids and your friends and family. Make calls, make plans, take photos and just try to enjoy each little teeny moment. Even when someone spills milk, be grateful you have a home, a glass, the money to afford milk and a kid in your life to spill it.

Get it? Be grateful for each little thing and you will slowly find joy and happiness. I know it is hard in the beginning because it is ridiculous that HE is not there to be with you and share in the life that is going by so fast. But for now, he is not. So enjoy, and these cards will help motivate you to KEEP moving!!

Finding strength in uncertainty is not something that happens overnight. But it starts with one decision. The decision to love yourself first.

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To Note:

All of the lovely products I recommend are on Amazon and approved by me personally. Buying any of them through my links here will give me a commission of like 3 pennies!! And if you do I am forever grateful!! But if you can’t get them here, buy them anywhere. Thank you either way, for reading here and for trusting me and what I share with you.

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And as always, if you are stuck and the hubby has left or is driving you crazy and you need help navigating life to get him back, I can help.

Join my Bring Him Home Program (scroll below or click here)
I also offer midlife crisis coaching for wives, marriage coaching, and relationship coaching for women who are ready to stop waiting and start winning.

📧 Email me at Support@TheWifeExpert.com and in the subject line write: Husband