MidLife Crisis
What To Do When He Wants To Leave
What to do when he wants to leave? is not a fun thing to write about yet alone make a list. Yet below is a list made up from women who, like me, have been there when their husband said out loud, “I want out of this marriage.”
So I gathered with my favorite bunch of old wise women and together we came up with this list. Every single item on this list is a step toward becoming your WiseWifeᴵᴾ.
1. Show Compassion to Him.
It is hard to come to the decision to leave your family. It is a choice. A yucky one. And for a man in MLC he starts to just not care. He’s been working for this moment for a bit and even though he acts cold and unemotional, understand he is hurting inside somewhere.
This is what I see in so many husbands who are acting different, who have suddenly changed overnight, who are showing every sign of a midlife crisis and do not even know it themselves.
If you can stop your ego or your first reaction from shouting, “You are leaving me? You ass!” and instead say, “What is going on in your head that would make you even consider leaving? Are you okay?”
Or giving him a hug, I’ve got videos on Hugs! Or a touch of the arm, this would help him. These are all gestures you would give your brother if he said he was leaving his wife, do it to your man.
2. Make Plans.
Go anywhere! Out with girlfriends, a cousin, just your kids, over to a friend’s house, to a park, to a movie, to anything! Happy hour at least once a week with kids or without is always a fun night and you do not break the bank either. I have been known to feed all my kids and some of their friends at many of our local happy hour stomping grounds for under $20 for all of us.
If he is home, leave the kids with him for a couple of hours, say good-bye to everyone and walk out. Never ignore him. Be happy and pleasant. Your life is still good. You want him to see that you are fine with him or without him.
This is how you start building your YOUvilleᴵᴾ. One happy hour, one adventure, one smile at a time.
3. Always Look Good.
I know it is easier to dress in sweats and a ponytail, but this is your marriage he is trying to leave. Time for action! Dress nice. Put on a bit of makeup. Take the hair out of the ponytail. The simple motto: Look good, smell good, feel good. Even at night.
Go to Victoria’s Secret, buy some sexy underwear and a nightgown. Walk around in them if you feel confident. Men see with their eyes. Let him see what he is giving up. This is one of the most powerful ways to bring your husband home and remind him exactly what he is walking away from.
4. Say Little.
Women like to chat. Men do not. We spill out every detail of our lives with very little prodding. Men do not. So do the reverse. Do not share anything. If he asks, answer with a quick tidbit and a sassy smile. Do not ever be rude. EVER. Always be nice and sweet and kind. Be brief and to the point. But be mysterious. Let him wonder what you are doing and where you are going with that smile of yours.
Keep your Pass the Pepper Toneᴵᴾ. Calm, easy, mysterious and no drama.
5. Always Be Kind.
You never want to do or act in such a way that gives him proof that you are rude, bitchy or unkind during this time. If you behave with kindness and compassion he will doubt and second guess why he is leaving you. Be the type of friend to him that anyone would love to have.
This is The MLC Gameᴵᴾ time to play. Be Strategic. Patient. Intentional. And kindness is your most powerful move when you are surviving a midlife crisis marriage and trying to stop a divorce before it starts.
6. Listen.
If he talks, listen. Look him in the eyes with care and compassion. Direct eye contact. Do not give advice or tell him what to do. End the conversation with “Oh that’s too bad…” or “Oh no, I’m sorry…” or “Wow! That’s great!” No advice. No opinion. No suggestions. Just listen and let him feel heard and understood.
This is what I call Listening for Loveᴵᴾ. The art of staying quiet long enough to truly hear another person. It is one of the most powerful tools in your Family Glue Toolboxᴵᴾ and it costs you absolutely nothing.
7. Be A Great Mom.
Take the kids on an adventure. Do something unusual with them. Plan a mini weekend with just you and them. Ask him first because you do not want him thinking you are stealing the kids. “Hey, was thinking of going skiing with the kids Friday. You okay with that? We will be back Sunday.” Let him be sad he is not going. And that you did not invite him.
8. No Arguing.
Chances are if he is thinking of leaving, you have been fighting a lot. You want him to stay. He wants to go. Therein lies the controversy. The dilemma. The fight. You both want different things. The minute you give up fighting him leaving is the minute he can relax and really examine if he does indeed want to go.
This is how you stop a divorce before it stops you. Let go of the fight and watch what happens.
9. Keep Your Ego At Bay.
We all do stupid things because our egos tell us to be monsters. Shut yours up now or it will ruin everything above.
Your ego is just Shiittᴵᴾ you are carrying like a caged animal. Put your ego down. It is too heavy and it will cost you everything.
10. Smile. Smile. Smile.
Like a pair of underwear. Put it on and do not take it off until you go to bed and then you can collapse and cry.
He is not leaving because of YOU. He is leaving because of HIM. Whatever part you have played in your marriage going well or not going well has little to do with the fact that he is choosing to bail and walk out the door. That is his call and his alone. And that choice has nothing to do with you.
So smile. Hold your head high and know you are a rock who continues to hold down the fort of your life and your marriage for your family. You are becoming his Island of Safetyᴵᴾ whether he realizes it yet or not.
FYI: Smiling is a force that creates good feelings and inner confidence. So force it and let it do its job!!
11. Do Not Give Up.
I fought for my marriage for 5 years straight. Sometimes today I still feel like the devil is waiting, watching. But for you, everyone you know will be watching you deal with the mess of your marriage and begging you to let go and give up. If you have to, step away from those friends for now.
Build your Super Circleᴵᴾ now. Not everyone earns a seat at your table during this time. Find the people who support you so you can stay the course with a team having your back. You know what you want. Your kids are rooting for you too.
Make your Burn the Boats Contractᴵᴾ with yourself right now. You are staying the course. Period. This is marriage restoration coaching in action. This is what I want my husband back looks like when you refuse to give up.
If You Need Help:
If you need help dealing with your MLC midlife crisis husband who is having an affair or has left you for some bimbo young woman, and you want him home. Join my Bring Him Home Videos ASAP.
My private midlife crisis coaching course is for wives who want someone to walk beside them and help get you what you want. Whether your husband has moved out, is pulling away, or said words that broke your heart, there is still hope. Never give up! There are still steps to take. And I am here to help you take them.
Or Reach out to me: 📧 Support@TheWifeExpert.com
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