Midlife Crisis Hope – No Punishment

So I go to church every Sunday. But I’m not a big bible reader. Not because I don’t like to read – it’s just such a big book and the pages are so thin – which means there is that much more to read – I’m more of a cliff notes girl. I want to know the point and the lesson. All the other words in the Bible are like “foreign html code” like another language I am not versed in.

So when I’ve been invited to bible study groups – I’ve had many reasons to pass. This time – it was different – maybe because the lady who invited me was in her 70’s and her 79 year old ‘boyfriend’ (yes her husband died of Parkinson in 2010) rides a Harley motorcycle and my curiosity on what he was like was more than I could handle. I had to go!! Also she had mentioned that the pastor that would be leading the event is blind and her friend who is coming looks like she is from China but speaks Russian to her 1-year-old cat who talks back to her and pees on the toilet.

Hell yah! I’m going!! I’ve got to meet all of these people – this is great! I’m in!

So I get there and all is good till I’m seated with my friends Bible (note to self: Bring your own bible before you attend anything called a ‘bible study’) and my stomach starts to turn.

Really? Really?

I waited till the last second, praying no one else will go to the bathroom when I need it…and as I rise from my seat, I waive to the hostess as I motion I’m going to the bathroom. Behind the closed door….it is not good. If I was home – I would have breathed my way through what was clearly diarrhea from bad cheese I had eaten earlier – but since I was in the home of a woman I barely knew, I was tourmented my absence would worry her.

So I pulled up and returned to my seat on her white couch. At this point I see her white couch as an enemy. In my entire life my intestines have never let go in public, so why then was I suddenly worried now? Not sure but about 30 seconds after sitting back down on her couch my body felt like Melissa McCarthy (or any one of them) in Bridesmaids (watch this quick scene and be sure to watch the whole movie if you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing it yet) where horrid sweat and fear take over and in my case, I’m 100% confident….if I don’t return to the bathroom soon, I will own that white couch before this ‘study’ is over.

I know you are thinking – wait – the title says “midlife crisis hope”…..where is this even going??? Stay with me….I agree – I can’t believe I’m sharing this. But you know all my worst parts so far…why not this? Besides, why not mix the Bible and the body???

This time I took my time. I had no fear. If I was still in there when everyone was leaving…what would they say??? Are they really going to judge me? At bible study??

When my tummy settle down I headed back to the couch. This time my mind won. When the horrid feeling started again, I said, “Are you kidding God…did you really have me come here to sit in the other room????” My tummy settled and I was calm. I could hear….I could listen.

Ahhhh….

I wondered what would have happened if anyone had tried to talk to me during those moments I was only thinking about getting to the bathroom. Would I have listened to them? Would they have been angry with me for acting so indifferent (clearly I had other things on my mind). Often times we judge people for their behaviors having NO IDEA what is really and truly going on in their minds.

For a man with MLC….it is the same. He is thinking about 1,000,000 thoughts. Thoughts on thoughts. What he did. What he’s doing. What he is about to do. All not what he normally does. But he looks the same…???

Imagine you trying to talk to me while I was in this state? What would you think of me? Specially if you had spoken with me dozens of times before. I looked the same… What is going on in my mind – you would never know. Unless I told you. Like a man in MLC – although he can’t tell you because he doesn’t have a clue what is happening either.

Back to this bible study.

So the main speaker was blind -though you would never have known it! At one point he says, “Vengeance is mine…” and I thought, “Oh….I need to know this!!” So we talked about it.

Here is the passage he was talking about:

⁶Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. ¹⁷Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. ¹⁸If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. ¹⁹Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.²⁰Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. ²¹Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

So what do you get from this?

a) Let your hubby be!!
b) be honest and true and live your life!
c) let God deal with him. He doesn’t need you punishing him.
d) be kind to him – give him drinks and food and just be good to him.
e) Don’t use anger to overcome evil, but overcome evil with good.

LOVE IT!! I say to my wives alll the time “You do not need to punish your hubby!! Give him up to God. You are FREE To be happy, loving, kind and friendly to your asshole hubby because it’s NMP – not my problem. Here it is!! Straight from the Bible!!

Ahhhhh….go be amazing!!! Your hubby will return – if you need my help – reach out to me!