Statistics from Husband Who Quit His Marriage

I get people emailing me often….Men too.  LOVE when men that reach out to me!  I take it very personal when I get a text or an email.  Someone needs help….?  Let’s go!!  The man whose conversation with me I’m sharing below, reached out to me after he got a divorce. He still had hope….after his wife bailed…and then…he disappeared.  I saved his information…and continue to email him from time to time.  And this past week we were texting again…only now he has decided to completely quit.  While he has great points – and much of it is true – and I’m sharing the whole thing below…
I still disagree.

I am putting the information here below because I am not afraid of this. And I want you to stand up to this too.  This is what people focus on….and this is what people make decisions on.  If I had listened to what others said to me, I would not be married and lord knows what or where my kids and hubby would be today.

You can see the below information as the truth and something that you CAN BEAT.  Because this is the game. If this was easy, everyone would be married. The devil is sneaky. Wicked. He divides and collects.  I share what I learn and I think this is an interesting perspective.

HOWEVER, I must be clear – this still doesn’t change anything in my opinion.

Why? God Wins. Always.  And if you don’t believe me, you are in the Dark.

Get out of the dark and get into the light.  Let your partner go, and live your life, but NEVER stop believing or giving and becoming ALL that you can be for yourself and whoever is around you.  That’s the point.  Good comes. And I see this daily!!

AFTER you read what he wrote, come back up here or scroll down to read my words again:

NONE OF THIS MATTERS. The ONLY THING THAT MATTERS is LOVE.  
LOVE WINS.  FAMILY! CONNECTION!  EMPATHY!

THE WORLD CAN FALL APART AROUND YOU AND AS LONG AS YOU FOCUS ON UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, YOU KNOW THIS OTHER STUFF IS JUST ‘STUFF’ – YOU CAN CONTROL IT. BUT YOU CAN CONTOL WHAT YOU GIVE TO OTHERS, WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU BRING TO ANY RELATIONSHIP!

WOMEN WANT LOVE.  MEN WANT LOVE.  Yet FIRST WE GIVE….that’s what people miss.  And even when we say, “but I gave for 20 years….” I will say, “Yes, and what happened when you stopped…?”

(I’m repeating this below!)

Here is his initial email to me in July 7, 2020.

July 2020
MAN:

Hi Laurie,

I found about you from my friend XXXXX. I think I’m interested in coaching. I know you said you take male clients too, but not sure how often that is or if you can help. But right here right now, I need help. And other programs simply haven’t done it for me. 

VX

I would have gladly worked with “VX MAN” but I don’t chase….if you want to work with me, reach out.  I will help.  Sadly this man disappeared until recently when I received an email that he didn’t want to receive my emails anymore.

So I reached out asking if he was okay.  He responded….

August 2023
MAN:

Hi Laurie,

My wife and I divorced in ’19 completely unexpected and not my choice. I thought I could bring her back, but I was wrong and resigned myself to that fact this year. Having been a member of Save My Marriage and hearing all sorts of ‘miraculous’ stories, I held out hope longer than I should have. Based on my analysis of the FB group tied to that company, ,men return to their marriage 4x more frequently than women do, and if the woman is attractive and has options, she’s gone 99%.

I’ll never marry again. I hope you are being successful and appreciate what I learned from you.

-VX

(My notes on the above – HE IS NOT wrong!!!  He could bring her back!!  What is he doing???  He was on sites??? But what did he do???  How was he different, what was his action plan? His strategy????  I help with that!! And he didn’t work with me!! Holding out hope and not having a plan is doing nothing…we have to change and do the actual work…that’s where people make mistakes.  

And of course…it’s normal…how do we expect anyone to stay married for a Minute when divorce and cheating is so rampant in this world. But YOU CAN!!!

ME:

Hmmm….I disagree.  Not with the people that work with me.  On average I have more husbands get their wives home (& faster) than women.  My fastest record was 10 months – and it was a man.  I have another guy who is getting close and he is at 10 months too. Then I have a lady right now, she’s really close and she’s only at 9 months! All of these 3 people worked hard to learn my language and do what I suggest.

MAN:  

I appreciate it Laurie, I do agree with the work you do and also agree that God hates divorce, as do I. This is especially true when kids are involved. I can’t comment on real statistics and this is anecdotal, but again, watching the Facebook group, men were coming back at least 5:1 over the ladies.

All that said, I do have other stats that are quantifiable. I will also give you this disclaimer; I am not a cynic by nature, and this is all going to sound cynical, but literally every man I talk to at this point who’s divorced understands all of the following numbers.

(Me again – he’s talking to people who are divorced!?  😂 of course they cite these numbers to keep the divorce going!  This is contagious to crush hope!!!  Don’t let this hurt you below – let this put a FIRE in your ass to change things in YOUR WORLD!!!)

• 70% of women file for divorce, 80% if the wife has a Bachelor’s degree.
• 85% of child support payments are paid by men
• 97% of alimony payments are paid by men.
• In those 3% of times when women do pay alimony (Madonna, Adele, etc.), there is huge outcry about how the woman is being taken advantage of.
• Women get primary custody 80% of the time
• It’s easy to think of men as deadbeat dads. If they have to pay child support 85% of the time, that means that if child support isn’t being fully paid, 85% chance it’s a man not paying it.
• Men are 3.5x more likely to commit suicide than women normally, BUT, divorced men are 9X more likely to commit suicide than divorced women.
• Though women are more likely to be abused in relationships, that’s only by 17.9%; 30.3% of women and 25.7% of men.

And our government is mandating that women receive special treatment in every arena having to do with health, knowledge and well-being over men. And men, who are being born, raised and taught mostly by women, are feeling it.

• Girls graduate high school 7% more often than boys.
• Girls graduate college 11.7% more often than boys.
• Girls college attendance is 38% higher than boys.
• The number of scholarships awarded to girls is 43.9% higher than boys
• And for undergrads lucky enough to receive scholarships, for division I and division II schools, individual scholarships are higher for girls than boys by 6.2% and 22.8% respectively
• And don’t forget, with all our male privilege, men are 11x more likely to be killed at work than women.

I went to my daughters graduation. I counted. The number of scholarships given out to 4 year students went to girls in the room 4:1. There were more for boys for trade schools, but I’m just not seeing lady folk rushing to be HVAC repair people, tradespeople or mechanics. And even counting that, it was more like 70/30 money for girls over boys. The only area boys won was for athletic scholarships. And this is in a redneck town in Northern Idaho, not SF or Chi.

And once the lady gets out on her own, she gets special incentives for being a woman owned business, SBA money is easier to get, government contracts and contracts with government suppliers are easier to get, and they get hiring credits to hire women. And let’s not forget, The gender pay gap is a myth

And so, I get it. Feminism wins. Women simply don’t need men any more. And this is being openly discussed en masse by ladies all over the internet. They still want male attention, but we are appliances at this point. And honestly, I am ok with that too, just a little balance and gratitude would be nice.

Another factor not to be ignored is, men and women’s brains alike are being cooked by social media; women getting ridiculous amounts of virtual attention while thirsty men chase, court, and even send money to women they’ll never ever meet.

But, in many ways, we brought much of this situation on ourselves. This 60s coffee commercial reel is a great example of why.

I am an anomaly. I was raised by a wwII father, raised by an alcoholic chain smoking mother. Combine those factors with current social trends, and a long term marriage is just not to be. And that’s ok. I am good on my own. This has brought me to trauma therapy and a range of learning I’d never have gotten if I hadn’t gone through this.

The biggest lesson I got though, too late unfortunately, is the lesson that, as long as we live in a gynocentric culture and as long as the courts, academia, and industry are so slanted against men, we men simply shouldn’t be getting married in America, period. We should work on ourselves, build our health and bodies, our spirits, our careers and our bank accounts, and leave the ladies alone as we are no longer needed. In spite of my 2 wonderful children, I wish I’d known this 25 years ago.

Think about it like this; if Tom Brady, the GOAT QB for the winningest team in NFL history, a top model in his own right, an absolutely gorgeous, 6’4” man worth a quarter of a billion dollars can’t keep his marriage together because HE’S not doing enough around the house(?), that speaks volumes about the state of marriage for men in America. And, per usual, she galavanted off with another man in Costa Rica less than a month after the divorce was final or even publicly announced, while only now has Brady entertained having another woman in his life. A woman he did NOT take on recent vacation with his kids. And what does the media do? Swoon over Giselle’s new romance.

In spite of all this, I STILL generally prefer the company of women and I do admire you for what you are doing, and do truly wish you all the success at it. I just realize I had an idealized and tragically unrealistic view of women, relationships, and marriage. If I know any one married and suffering, I will send them your way.

Sincerely, VX

NONE OF THIS MATTERS. The ONLY THING THAT MATTERS is LOVE.  
LOVE WINS.  FAMILY! CONNECTION!  EMPATHY!

THE WORLD CAN FALL APART AROUND YOU AND AS LONG AS YOU FOCUS ON UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, YOU KNOW THIS OTHER STUFF IS JUST ‘STUFF’ – YOU CAN CONTROL IT. BUT YOU CAN CONTOL WHAT YOU GIVE TO OTHERS, WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU BRING TO ANY RELATIONSHIP!