He Had An Affair…Now it’s My Turn?

He Had An Affair…Is It My Turn For An Affair?

I questioned that.

He went and had fun and excitement while I suffered…maybe I try it?  Is it worth all the talk?

His name was Johnny.

I noticed him from across the gym…starring at me with a huge smile.

His stare and smile were so consistent, several times I had to turn around to see if he was indeed looking at someone behind me.

Finally he walked over.  (okay – I know I blushed….as it was nice to see that I was still attractive to other men…or at least this attractive guy)

He was sweet and kind and made me feel like I was worth his time.  From that moment on, it was odd, we always seemed to show up at the gym at the same time.  Maybe he was always there or maybe I just never noticed him before.

But now I did notice him. All the time.  He was everywhere I turned.
Looking at me.
Smiling.

It was during the time when my husband was busy with his other woman, not living with my kids and I.  The opportunity to jump ship was perfect, specially since the ship I was standing in, I stood alone in anyway, seemed easy and a no brainer.

Or was it?  I struggled.  Johnny was a police officer.  That was both good and bad to me.  Bad because I’m sure he had a huge ego and was never wrong.  And good because, simply put, I would feel safe.

Each time I’d see Johnny at the gym he’d run to me flashing his pearly whites, happy, funny and full of stories.  What a guy.  I wasn’t falling in love or anything, I was still married (If you can call keeping a house together while the other partner moved on to someone else)  but I was seriously beginning to look forward to seeing him and enjoying how he looked at me each and every time.

Then came the day when he causally said, “…my wife…”

What?

I had never asked, but he didn’t wear a ring and he surely didn’t act like there was a Mrs. Johnny somewhere.

But then I quickly figured, he was indeed too good of a catch to be wandering the earth unattached.

Why didn’t he wear a ring I asked?

For his job, he said.  He didn’t like anyone knowing his business.

Immediately I was full of questions.  Why then did he approach me like a hungry single guy?

He wasn’t looking for an affair, he was just not happy in his marriage.

Oh…yes….of course.  Thats the same excuse unhappy married people give potential conquests instead of fixing what they have.

If you aren’t happy…it’s your fault.  Unless your partner is beating you or abusing you in someway…you are the only one to blame if you are not happy.

Change something. Do something.  Be someone.  It’s not your marriage, it’s YOU.

It was a bummer Johnny had a wife…because even though we were doing nothing harmful, I was still part of something that was wrong to his wife.  And I didn’t believe in that.  It’s bad Karma.  And I’m out.  So I quickly and kindly closed my conversation with Johnny and left the gym.

I was still kind of sad.  “Why?” my diligent affair proof friends would ask me.

Several things made me sad.  1) It wasn’t like I was going to run off with him or anything….I was sad that I was seeing life how it really was.  “The land of opportunity.”  Some men (and women) are always searching.  Always looking.  For the next best thing.  It’s out there and they will find it.   And when they are done, they will find something else.  Never happy with who they are or what their current life is…they believe there must be more…and then more…and then better and better.  And so they search.

Was it a high?  An excitement? Those are all feelings from an affair.  But there are bad feelings too.

Didn’t matter.  The whole thing made me sick.

Some friends have suggested I should have just gone out with him to see what it was like, because after all, someone had done it to me…that’s just how the world works.

Nope.

I’m not like that.  Behind Johnny is a woman, who wouldn’t know I was out with him and if I didn’t want that happening to me, I’d never do that to another.

So I stayed true to my guns.  Right or wrong.  It’s my choice.  Then…in the big picture of the world…what would my kids say???

When I make good choices with their best interest in mind…I don’t have to worry about that one.

Books I recommend about Affair Recovery:

Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration

Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing

What Not To Do After Finding Out About Your Partners Affair

Marriage Divorce Reason #12: I Was Nice For 15 Years

Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater…? True? False?